During COVID and lockdown many of us have really missed the experience of touch. We understand that we need to keep ourselves and others safe and healthy but it has been hard.
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia before COVID. His symptoms worsened really quickly through lockdown. He also started hallucinating and was delusional. He was taken to hospital where he was treated with antipsychotic drugs. Once he was stabilized, he was transferred to a nursing home where he is now being looked after with great care and kindness.
In the first few months I was only allowed to see him through a window. It was so hard emotionally, but also relationally. I could not touch him. Touch is so important in our relationship. Thankfully I can now spend time with him in person. We can hold hands, hug and sit close to each other. He knows me. There is a connection. He may not know my name but he knows he loves me and that I love him. He loves being touched. I massage his feet and hands, legs and arms, neck and scalp. It is what I used to do in the past after he had a busy or stressful day at work. We can connect without having a conversation. Yes I miss being able to talk to him about things on my mind but there is still a connection, a loving connection through touch.
It made me think about the importance of touch for most people.
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“Infants who are touched gently on a regular basis gain weight and grow at better rates than babies who lack this contact. They also spend less time in the hospital after birth and have fewer medical complications in their first year of life.”
The Effect of Human Contact on Newborn Babies.
Children need to be touched. My 7 year old granddaughter found it difficult when told to only hug her parents and sister during lockdown. She was thrilled when she could come to me and have a cuddle. So was I.
COVID has made us careful about close contact, but even before COVID, we wanted to keep our children safe, not from illness but from sexual abuse. Yes, I understand this, but maybe sometimes we are too fearful of touching. We also fear allegations if we get too close to children or vulnerable adults. Yet there is an important place for touch. This is possible if we put appropriate safeguards in place.
Last week I went to church and a friend hugged me so closely and lovingly. It made such a difference to how I was feeling.
Jesus, when He healed people, He usually touched them. There is something powerful about the laying on of hands whilst praying.
We of course need to be respectful and check whether people want to be touched. Some people do not like it. My sister hates to have her hair touched and she cannot understand my love of spa days. Some people with autism are particularly sensitive to touch and can even find gentle touch painful.
Many schools have a no touch policy. This may prevent those with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) getting the most appropriate help. We start to rely on verbal or written communication, and often technology. For some children verbal instruction can sound like “blah blah blah.” It makes little sense. It also creates a barrier to getting work. Systematic instruction is a method of teaching skills through hand-over- hand guidance, which uses little or no verbal communication. It can be used in any situation, but has been developed to enable people with limited cognitive skills who want to work to be in employment. Through structured guided repeated tasks, using hand-over-hand and appropriate touch, many have learned to do quite complex tasks including making bike brakes involving 24 steps.
