In the mess of marriage and special needs, we must be proactive about finding ways to keep family life and married life exciting…so we’re here to share some help in seeking adventure! We often say to each other, “You drive me crazy, but I’m still crazy about you!” If we can start with that as a premise, we are all off to a good start!
How to Keep Love Alive and Vibrant Amid Special Needs:
1. Go from “Who am I?” to “Who are we?” and start to find things that will keep marriage and family alive and going in the right direction. We downsized from a large home to a cluster home during retirement. How can we make those kinds of changes in different directions in marriage? Young people and elderly people all have changes to make, how will we navigate them? Start by asking “Who Are We?” Then, fill in the blanks to see it on paper. Realize each season will bring different answers to this question as we welcome the NEW season(s). Become a forward-thinking person planning things ahead with intention.
2. Say YES to adventure – staying home and being comfy is OK – but if you’re healthy – it can’t be ALL THE TIME. Sitting in a recliner after retirement was NOT going to be us as much as it is possible; plus the care we need to provide for our adult son with special needs keeps us moving! But that isn’t what we call adventure. Adventure matters. Looking to something in the future gives hope and anticipation. So, what are we doing with the time God has given us? What must we do to think ahead so we can plan adventures?
- Start Saving especially if your adventure is more costly
- Planning (together if you can) keeps you on the same page
- Anticipation is the fun of planning – sometime more fun than the actual adventure!
- Keep Moving – without adventure, life would be boring
- Challenges Along the Way – prepare for what might happen
It’s true there may be limitations to work through to make this happen, but that is the reason for this exercise….start working through those limitations.
3. Say YES to fun – once you determine what your adventure and fun is, start a list of things. Make little cards out of that list and in time sort through each and choose an adventure, or make a list for the refrigerator. This is especially fun for kids to help make the list and see it checked off!
- Visit old neighbors from your growing up or when your kids where little.
- Fun Friends are a must! Include them in adventures.
- Take a new route to church, a friends’ home, etc.
- Try a new church.
- Try a new restaurant.
- Initiate new conversations, make up some conversations starter questions.
- Meet new friends (happens naturally when traveling), taking walks, etc.
- Attend the Symphony? A concert? TRY something new!
- Take a class.
- Shop together for gifts, Christmas, etc. (if you both find it fun!)
- Start a folder on local things to do (online searches can find one day trips).
As we look at this list, we can see that there is inclusion of others. How can friends and church family help us see this through? Invite them along to adventures and ask them to participate with you. Anytime we add others to our adventures, we change the complexion of conversations, fun that others will provide, and just a different scene that makes for something new. Church friends can also suggest ideas to help us when we feel our creative capacity is lacking! JOIN others. INCLUDE others.
4. Say YES to travel – start small and close; venture out as able.
- Similar to adventure – but break from your routine!
- Keep a folder of places you want to see in places you’ll visit beyond locally!
- See your state, try seeing all 50 states…then maybe countries depending on what your abilities are with (or maybe without) your loved one with special needs.
- Revisit your honeymoon spot!
5. Say YES to projects together. Work together. Teamwork is the fun of it so if it will divide you make one the leader and one the follower. No bossiness! One must lead is the key!
- Refinish furniture
- Gardening
- Cooking
- Shared goals; stay on the same page.
6. Say YES to family – God gives many of us many years past retirement. Help kids and grands together as a couple and find as many things as possible to help and participate in with extended family. As seasoned adults we can pass along wisdom to the next generation.
Be determined to find common ground while claiming Ecclesiastes 4:9, “Two are better than one, if one falls down, the other can help him up.” Shared purposes and the spirit of adventure will look differently for everyone with their connections with people (family, friends, church family, etc.) as will personalities, health, finances, etc. ALL must be considered when making an adventure decision. While keeping in mind that one with special needs might have differing needs, we alter our adventures to include them when doing family things, also realizing it’s fine for us as a couple to do things alone – just the 2 of us. Being able to give each other the freedom to develop the spirit of adventure in different venues is one of the keys to having an adventurous, fun, and vibrant marriage amid the mess of life and doing the same for your family!
HELP IS ON THE WAY: A NEW BOOK by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini is being written for Moody Publishing to encourage and equip parents who have a child with special needs! Additionally, they have written: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs, have spoken nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at:
www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini