A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. But, some pictures are worth so much more.
Our daughter, son-in-law, and sons have opened their hearts and home to foster care. One time they welcomed a “family” of several siblings. We observed each child, while different ages were all about the same age intellectually and behaviorally and while we don’t know if there is any diagnosis, we guessed there might be some special needs amongst them. They were always in motion jumping, screaming, throwing, running, yelling, and that list continues along with continuous actions all of their waking hours. It was exhausting.
I (Cindi) happened to take a picture while my daughter read to them, and they were all still…for about 3 seconds. The 3 seconds it took to take that picture. Joe and I would don our gear for helping (the proper clothing for cleaning, playing on the floor, etc.) and helped wherever we could. Honestly, it was overwhelming. But it made us realize that many people might look into the window of a family via social media with a child or children with special needs and see but a photo and not the video version of life.
A photo might catch everyone with a smile, but the reality is that behind the smiles are ongoing days of work and exhaustion. What’s difficult about that is how hard it is for others to capture the reality of what life is really like. Sometimes sharing the realities is just too hard. Most people wouldn’t believe most of what we’d share; and other times (which we personally think is most of the time) others simply don’t care to know the full realities that life is ever moving and never still.
How can we share with others the realities of this non-stop, ever-moving, exhausting life?
- If asked, share briefly to see the persons level or depth of interest.
- If they continue the discussion, they are likely a person to be trusted with the real-life situations we experience. BUT we should also ask about their life and challenges, because they, too, have something going on somewhere. Share life in conversation.
- As you’re able welcome them into life. Will they really “do coffee” with us at our place while our child is ever moving, talking, making noises, etc.? If so, oh, a treasure!
How can church and other types of organizations (school, programs, things like dance lessons, etc. for our children) help us by entering our life/world?
- Ask people who oversee groups (Sunday School, dance, classroom teachers) how they might help you accomplish some of your goals (list them and be ready to discuss them). As they share thoughts, embrace those ideas and give them a try, thanking them and keeping them in the loop.
- Consider volunteering for a time to help your child acclimate to a new situation. In the long run your investment might yield great results, friends, and new opportunities for you and your child.
- We suggest writing a church or group related IEP for children with special needs so school, church, and family (etc.) can all be on the same page in helping the child with special needs find success.
These ideas won’t guarantee a still life void of movement, but it might help us rely upon the verse from the bible, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 as we watch what He can do when we stop for a moment and learn how to work together.
HELP IS ON THE WAY: A NEW BOOK by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini is being written for Moody Publishing to encourage and equip parents who have a child with special needs! Additionally, they have written: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs, have spoken nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at:
www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini