In the first few months of 2012, I found myself unemployed after experiencing job loss from the private elementary school where I was working. To fill the gap until I found another teaching position, I took a job as a personal care assistant for a young man with cerebral palsy serving in the family’s home.

My role was simple, but it was helpful for the family I served. By providing an extra pair of hands, it allowed the parents to unwind during dinner and their evening time and spend time with their neurotypical son. Most of the time I would sit with him while he watched recordings of his favorite shows on the VCR, feed him during meals, and help him transition to bed. Usually, the bedtime routine meant changing him into his PJs and changing his diaper. Since he was a quadriplegic, I had to take him out of his wheelchair and lay him on a mat on the bedroom floor. Sometimes his diaper could be filled with pee and sometimes with poop, and I would kneel on the floor in front of him, clean him up and get him changed.

One night, feeling the heavy weight of emotion from the circumstances of my life, having lost a job, our family struggling financially, my marriage at the time on rocky ground, and trying to parent my autistic son (Chris), I started to break down while I was changing him. I was not a Christian at the time, but having a strong belief in God, I nonetheless looked to the heavens, and begged God for help. I still remember the words I used, “If I have to do this for every person on Earth, I will if it means I can save my family.”

I didn’t realize my time in this family’s home would change my life and my family’s experience for years to come. While speaking with mom at my in-home visits, she shared about a camp for families of kids with special needs where they experienced vacation like a normal family because they provided support and a volunteer to be with their child. My initial reaction of course was “Where do I sign up?“

I didn’t know anything else about the camp other than that it served families of disabilities and allowed them to go on a vacation. My family’s situation was precarious to say the least. There was a good possibility we wouldn’t make it to the following summer.

Over the next few months our lives started to gradually get better. We started attending a friend’s church where my wife and I both got saved and we worked with a counselor to repair our marriage and our family. When the winter of 2013 came around, we made plans to attend the disability camp we heard about and registered to attend that coming June. We discovered the camp was hosted by Joni and Friends, a global disability ministry founded by Joni Eareckson Tada, a person we weren’t familiar with. We weren’t raised in the church and were just learning to learn about faith-based outreaches for families like ours. Through the snowy winter months, the coming of spring and warmer weather and finally, the arrival of summer we would view the website for the retreat center location (Maranatha) in northern Michigan and dream of sunny days on the beach and soaking up the lovely grounds.

When it came time for our trip, we got in the car and traveled the four hours from the north Chicago suburbs all the way to Muskegon, not realizing what awaited us once we arrived. In front of the main lodge building, there was a small group of volunteers, some in costumes that were stationed as greeters for each family when they pulled up. We were instructed to leave our keys as the volunteers parked our car for us and unloaded our luggage. When we pulled up, Chris began to shake and shout with excitement, realizing we were finally at the exciting place we had told him about all this time.

Walking into the lodge, we were greeted by an overwhelming crowd of volunteers, most in costumes, who welcomed us with a loud cheer as our family was announced. Chris’s one-on-one volunteer for the week introduced herself, and we went back to our room to settle in and prepare for a very busy week, starting with a very special family walk on the beach at sunset. The week was filled with outdoor activities and socializing with the other families, but most of all, it was a time of refreshment and renewal as a family – physically, emotionally and spiritually. My wife and I most appreciated the connections we made with the other parents, especially in our dedicated mom and dad groups every morning, since we’d never experienced such community. At the end of the week, we reflected upon everything that happened and allowed it to motivate and buoy our spirits for the weeks and months to come but it also got me thinking about what might be possible once we returned home.

I pondered how we could recreate the support we experienced at the retreat, facing the reality it might be different from what we experienced but I was motivated to try. While our church did not have a formal disability ministry, they were very supportive of my son and our family. When there was a need for heightened awareness among staff and volunteers we offered to assist as best we could. We volunteered in Sunday School environments when needed, but I also became very involved with the men’s ministry, where I learned many life lessons about working with others.

Outside of church, we sought to engage more with families impacted by disability in our community, inviting them to our home for frequent playdates and get-togethers. Eventually, this led us to host dedicated mom and dad support groups. While my first attempt at organizing a group for dads was unsuccessful, I tried again a few years later and started a dad’s group from the broader community that I continue to host every month.

Eventually, our family transitioned to a different church. With the experience we gained from experiencing healthy and supportive community in Christian settings, we created our own small group for families impacted by disability. We met in our home weekly and were able to do more structured studies while engaging on a variety of topics pertinent to our families. While we didn’t always have a great turnout, it provided us another opportunity to connect with families like ours, building upon the other parent support groups and relationships we made with local families. We continued to attend the Joni and Friends family retreats each year for several years. It was those experiences that motivated us to reach out to the families that we encountered.

By 2017, I became inspired to do more with my advocacy, especially after experiencing the impact real support had for a family like ours. One of the ongoing blessings we experienced from attending the retreats were the relationships we made with the other parents that continued beyond our summers together. As I pondered what to do, I reached out to parents I knew who published books and connected with one mom who invited me to write blog posts for a small disability ministry she worked with in southern Wisconsin open to new writers, especially dads. I initially balked at her offer. I never considered myself a blogger and wasn’t sure if I could be good at it. But I gave it a try, I enjoyed it and wasn’t half bad at it, based on the feedback I received. I started to crank out about one new article each month. At the end of that year, the small ministry I wrote for merged with Key Ministry, and I continued to write for them, but on a much bigger stage than I ever had. I embraced the opportunity and began to speak at their yearly conference, which led to invitations to speak at other conferences, do podcast and video presentations, and contribute content to a variety of platforms.

What truly made an impact on my life wasn’t the opportunity to create content, but the friendships and community I experienced over all these years. I found friends through the local engagements I attended or led with other parents (especially dads), and with the colleagues I met working alongside their respective ministries. They provided support and guidance for me as a parent of a child with a disability and did life with me through our shared work and social experiences. I appreciated the plethora of resources available to me.

What meant the most to me was the way my friends stepped up when I needed them the most – when my wife of 15 years asked for a divorce. I was devastated but did the only thing I knew to do – lean into the people around me. As difficult as it was, I was reminded by how I was loved and supported by friends and colleagues both near and far away. They supported me through several years of having to navigate my world as a single parent, until I eventually found love again and married my current wife.

My new love was a longtime volunteer at the family retreats we attended for all those years, and someone I could connect with because she saw the purpose and passion for serving as I did. I discovered what I wish for every parent of disability to know along with those who serve them in the church. I experienced the love of God through the community I formed as a byproduct of my experiences. During the last few years as an advocate to churches who are doing or seeking to begin a disability ministry, I always emphasize these points, as I communicate the need for community with families like mine.

When disability ministry is done right, it provides not just a space for a family to attend church on Sundays, but a place for families to connect with others, spiritually and socially. It offers the person with a disability not just a place to worship, but a home where they can find meaningful connections with others like them and the church family as a whole and find meaningful and creative ways to contribute. Disability ministry can bring hope to a family that previously had none and provide opportunity to be a valued member of the Body of Christ – as I first experienced so many years ago and continue to experience as a blessing.

John Fela (M.Ed.) is a national disability advocate, working with both faith-based and secular disability organizations. He previously worked for Joni and Friends, a global disability ministry. Prior to that, he spent almost 20 years in education, serving in a variety of roles as a classroom teacher in both public and private school settings, as well as being a mentor teacher and school director. He holds certifications in both Montessori and traditional teaching methods, and trained in a variety of specializations, including ESL and Special Education. He is a public speaker, blogger for a variety of disability advocacy platforms, and author of Faith Like My Father, a memoir of his journey as a parent of disability. John lives in Lyons, IL with his wife, Faith, and is father to his son Christopher (ASD/NS). Follow John on his website: www.johnfela.com