We walked up to the registration area for the children’s classes one Sunday at the church we were visiting with our boys. The woman there asked questions to figure out where the boys should go and typed the answers into her computer.
“What are their names? When are their birthdays? Do they have any allergies?”
The questions were easy to answer for our older son, but our younger son took more explanation. His birthday does not represent his developmental stage. The computer doesn’t take into account all the variables that would tell the woman where he should go. “Can I type in that he was born in a different year? Would that work?” she asked.
Churches have a responsibility to meet the special needs of families, and these families also need to take steps to let churches know how they can help.
Here are a few steps we take when visiting a new church so it’s easy for everyone:
Call or email the church ahead of time to find out who is in charge of children’s ministry. I use language like, “We will be visiting your church Sunday and have a child with special needs. Who can we contact to make sure our visit is as comfortable as possible for him?”
Contact that person directly to let him/her know your family is coming and what your needs are. It allows that person to contact the teachers or volunteers who will be with your child so they can prepare. For example, if your child has a wheat allergy, they can get the pretzel snacks out of the room before you arrive. Also, if your child is older, he may not want to hear his special needs explained in front of him to multiple people. Doing this ahead of time will save him embarrassment.
Get to church early enough to know where to go and meet with the person you contacted, if necessary.
Bring anything your child will need, including special snacks or sensory toys. I packed James’s back-pack with diapers, extra clothes, and his chewy-tubes.
Be honest. Don’t let embarrassment or nervousness keep you from telling those who will be caring for your children what they need to know.
The church we visited did a wonderful job making us feel comfortable and taking care of James. When I picked him up after the service, the teacher in his class asked, “He loves to be tickled, doesn’t he?” I appreciated that they got to know him and weren’t afraid of his lack of communication or special needs!
Sandra Peoples is a special-needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as the director of special-needs ministry. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family and the host of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.
