Families affected by disabilities and other special needs live with a certain amount of chronic stress and uncertainty. So when any additional crisis, stressor or ambiguity is added, we can tend to lose our cool quickly. We need encouragers, as well as reassurances about God’s presence, power and goodness.
Just the other day, my daughter Carly threw her “no spill” sippy cup. A sticky combination of diluted juice-water splattered across the kitchen, bouncing off the upholstered chair then across the floor, refrigerator door, table leg and cupboard. She immediately pushed her chair back, dragging the felt on the bottom of each leg through the puddles too. That was the third time I’d had to deep clean the kitchen that day and it was only noon. We’ve been working for two decades to teach Carly how to set her cup down on a table.
In the midst of all I was juggling in that moment—logistically, mentally and emotionally—I was not proud of my short-tempered response. The tossed cup triggered exasperation. But the real source of my lost composure had little to do with Carly’s specific behavior and everything to do with the mountain of baggage and shaken hope behind it. Behind those deep emotions there was a list of responsibilities, challenges and decisions. I felt fatigue, discouragement, a sense of isolation and a loss of control. There was a weight of pressure and a lie shouting, "Things will never change." What came quickly on the heels of my frustration was shame and guilt followed by attempts to re-bolster myself with the truth of who and Whose I am. But I needed help. Sometimes I just can’t get there on my own.
My typical capacity for coping with pressures is compromised these days. Many of the things that usually bolster my hopeful spirit, energy level and confidence have been shaken or stripped away entirely. Near the top of that list is community. I have to pay a lot of attention to cultivating it. I often wish someone else would do it for me. I’m thankful for online church but increasingly feeling detached, even invisible to my church family who have all headed to a reunion where I don’t feel safe going. Furthermore, those who might usually be a voice of affirmation, cheer me on, pray for me or point me to Jesus—well, they are all pandemic-weary, too. One big difference is, most people are gaining opportunities for reconnection and normalcy as time goes on. Unfortunately, families impacted by special needs see very little changing for them, for a very long time.
This is the heart cry today of every family caregiver I know. There is a universal longing for calm, order, encouragement, support and hope. Perhaps more than ever and most of all, we want reassurances that God sees us and that others care, too. My peers and caregiver discipleship clients are aching to get reset and re-anchored in their faith and in their faith communities.
Here are faith-anchoring reassurances and encouragement you can offer those who are ready to be reminded of God’s truth:
God sees you and He cares about you. (Exodus 3:7-8, Psalm 103:6-18, Romans 8:22-27)
There are others who understand. (Matthew 26:40, Hebrews 4:15-16, 1 Peter 5:9)
You are the apple of God’s eyes, no matter how “successful” any day feels. (Psalm 17:8, Ephesians 2:8-9)
You are powerless over certain areas of your life—and you need God’s help. (Romans 5:6, Hebrews 13:20-21)
You are forgiven and refreshed when you repent of your flaws, bad habits, failures and sins. (Acts 3:19-20, Hebrews 12:1-2, 1 John 1:9)
You can extend to others the same grace, compassion and forgiveness that God shows you. (Matthew 5:23-24, Romans 3:23, Colossians 3:12-14, Ephesians 4:32, James 5:16)
You can ask God to change your weaknesses into strengths. (Psalm 119:50, Romans 8:26, 2 Corinthians 4:7-11, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Philippians 4:13)
You can lay your sorrows and disappointments out before God because His shoulders are big enough. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11)
Your suffering is not permanent. (1 Peter 5:10)
God will bring justice out of those times when life felt unfair. (Psalm 37:6, Psalm 103:6, 1 Peter 5:10)
You can face a new day because…
God has new and creative mercies to offer with each new day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
You are not condemned. (Psalm 145:8-9, Romans 8:1-2)
You can do everything you need to do because Christ lives in you. (Ephesians 3:14-19)
Not every burden is meant for you to carry—Jesus will show you where He’s calling you and how he is has uniquely equipped you for that purpose. (Matthew 11:29-30)
You have a community that wants and needs to know how to help. (Exodus 17:12, Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:12-13, 1 John 3:22-23)
God will renew your mind with hope, motivation and guidance when you maintain deliberate doses of scripture, prayer and attention to your relationship with Him. (Proverbs 3:1-12, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 10:5)
God is more generous and creative than you imagine—You can anticipate the surprises of His love. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
If God makes you wait, He will teach you things—most of all how to rely on Him. But when He is slow to respond, it is not your fault. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11, 2 Peter 3:9, Hebrews 11:39-40)
As I type the last of these statements that are pouring over my own soul on this Friday afternoon, Carly has just left her splash pool in the yard and walked across the grass to the patio table in front of me. There is a sippy cup here for her. I am thankful we are outside because, after I wrapped her in a beach towel, she sat down and drank a bit, then took off the lid and attempted to drink from the open cup before experimenting with what it looks like to dump the last half inch on her legs. She’s giggling with glee and quite proud of herself.
I wonder if Jesus, too, is rolling His eyes and chuckling right along with us.
Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.
