When we got the message about schools being closed, my heart sank. Maybe it makes me a terrible person, but my first thought wasn’t, “Good, they are keeping people safe.” It was, “What about my babies?” I know this is the right move, the wise move. It will keep so many safe. But what about my boys? I am not a teacher. I don’t know what I am doing.
You see, my boys are 9 and 7 years old, respectively; they both have autism. I am terrified. As much as I love the idea of homeschooling, I never have done it. I didn’t know if I could be good enough. Now I am getting a crash course in homeschooling, and fear tells me my children will be that much worse off because of it.
Let’s say they leave this time having maintained their current learning level. Fantastic! However, my fears go much deeper than that. It has taken years of work with their social skills to get my kids to the point they are now. They interact well with their peers, share, talk to them about things, and can understand if someone is upset or uncomfortable. There are still things that take an incredible amount of effort from them. What if they lose this skill? My kids have zero interest in video chatting with anyone. They just want to play. I am terrified this will delay them further.
What if I get sick? What if it kills me? What does that mean for my children? I can’t even put that into words. I often pray, Lord please don’t take me until my kids can care for themselves.
There is a lot of fear. Join me in some facts that should be obvious.
1. This Stinks.
2. This is the better alternative to millions dying.
3. We are all at least a little scared of what happens to our kids if we get deathly ill with this virus.
4. Kids are resilient. They will probably recover from the loss of routine and unorthodox education.
5. Teachers are fretting about our kids, too, and they are doing anything they can to help make this transition more manageable.
6. That being said…this still stinks.
I am scared. Being a pastor doesn’t somehow mystically make me immune to that. Terrified is probably the better word, actually. I don’t want my kids to struggle more. I don’t want them to feel stupid. I don’t want this ridiculous illness to rob them of all their hard work. I am being realistic when I say that this could happen. I want the best for my children, and I am scared of the impact this sickness will have on them. What do they even do all day at school? Come on, none of us actually know. I don’t want them to ever have to walk through losing a parent at a young age. I have a sweet friend who lost her mama when she the same age as my youngest son. That pain still echoes inside of her.
You are probably scared, too. This is where knowing The Word becomes imperative. Knowing God is a promise-keeper makes all the difference for me. I know that faith is bigger than fear, because my God is bigger than anything, even death.
Photo credit: WinRu on Lightstock.com.
Everyone has their go-to scriptures for situations like this. I want you to understand that this is a big deal. We are all overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated—even pastors. Here are my “go-to” scriptures that remind me that God has got this.
John 9:1-3: If God made the blind so that His glory could be shown, perhaps this situation ends the same. Whether my kids come out ahead of where they were or have regressed some, perhaps God is going to use this situation to show His glory.
Jeremiah 29:11: As God left His people to the punishment of their sins against Him, He left them with a promise as well. “For I know the plans I have for you…to give you hope and a future.” I wouldn’t presume this illness is a punishment from God. I know from the Bible God does punish, but it’s also clear that the fallen nature of man welcomed sickness into the world. What I am trying to help you see here is, no matter our current circumstances, God’s plans are always good. Hard to believe?
Romans 8:26-28: These scripture tells us three things. First, the spirit helps us in our weakness. Second, when we don’t know what to pray, God’s spirit intercedes. Lastly, God works out all things to the good of those who love Him. Sound familiar?
Deuteronomy 31:8: This promises me that God goes before me. He goes before me in all my battles. He goes before me in all situations. He goes before me always, as long as I follow Him. He will never abandon me. As long as I know that I am not choosing to turn away from God’s will, this effectively tell my fears to be quiet.
Zephaniah 3:17: God rejoices over my children and me. Even better, in this verse, God promises not to just be with me, but specifically to calm my fears. He’s God, and He’s got this. If I were ever to trust my children to anyone, it would be Him.
Mark 5:36: In this chapter, we see the story of Jairus, whose daughter was deathly ill. He sought Jesus’ help. Before they got to his home, messengers told him that his daughter had died. Jesus’ reply, “Do not be afraid. Have faith.” Jesus healed his daughter from death that day. I think God is telling us to do the same. Do not be afraid, have faith.
Friends, God is bigger than all of this. He is bigger than every moment, every fear, ever protein the Coronavirus itself contains! He is bigger! He is the God of miracles. You and I—if we believe He has beaten death and performed miracles—have to do our part to help our kids. From there, simply stand on the faith that God has this. His plans are good. He will never lead our children somewhere they were not meant to be. When you have done all you can, then be still, and know that God is God. He never changes. He loves your child more than you. His plans for them are still good.
Joanna French is the special needs pastor at Flint Hills Church, Junction City, KS. Joanna and her husband Jairmie have two boys with autism. In 2017, Joanna started Flint Hills Embrace with the goal to make Flint Hills Church a place where everyone belongs. Why? Because we all have a place in God's plan.
