When you are a caregiver, serving loved ones with disabilities is a 24/7 commitment. What happens when the caregiver is out of commission?
That happened to me last month.
I had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital.
Photo by Robert Linder on Unsplash
Once again, my back issue, which has occasionally interrupted my life and caregiving over the last 42 years, flared up. During my overnight stay, the staff was able to relieve my pain and get me walking again. As I was preparing to leave the hospital, I suddenly found myself out of breath. Since Joe and I are very active, I knew this was unusual. I pushed the button calling upon a nurse. Upon entering my room, the nurse lowered her mask, briefly showing me her face. As God would have it—it was someone I knew. On this day, she was not in her usual role. This divine appointment calmed me, and I knew I was in good hands. She told me that she had called Joe, would oversee everything, and that I would be alright.
I spent the next five days in the ICU, a total hospital stay of a week.
Once home, I had a list of doctors to follow up with, medicines, and work to get me up and running and serving again! Life took a drastic turn!
Joe and I have written blogs, articles, and even books about how people can help caregivers. They still stand true.
I would much rather be the giver than the receiver, but when we found ourselves in the place needing care, these are a few new things that helped us on the road to recovery:
Do not ask, "What can I do?" Offer specific help. An example would be: “I am available to cut your grass this week. What day can I come?” or “I would love to cook you a meal. What day is your greatest need? And what do you have a taste for?” (Sometimes people get different versions of the same dish, so asking what sounds good is nice!) Now, these are just ideas. What can you do? Do it within your ability, yet be willing to work outside the box.
Repeat your help. Try to provide consistent aid if you are capable. Of course, sometimes a one-and-done is all you can do. That is ok!
Take meals in disposable containers. Leave them with no dishes and nothing to return! I like to add plastic eating utensils, paper plates, cups, and even a drink, so it’s a one-stop shop for delivery and enjoyment!
Now, let us investigate what some people did for me that I will add to my collection. Some were, well, brilliant!
Bring enough to feed a crowd. When my dear friend showed up with half of a spiral-cut honey-baked ham, my first thought was, “There are three of us. We will never eat all this!” But each of our daughters and their families wanted to visit, meaning we needed to feed an additional ten people. Joe brought out the ham, buns, snacks, and beverages—it was perfect!
Designate ONE person to be in charge of meals. It was nice to have only one person communicate with me to ensure we received what we needed and nothing extra. I was so grateful for help and meals but did not want to take advantage.
Bring a freezer-ready meal. One friend called and said, “I heard about your hospital stay. I just made a big batch of homemade chicken soup; I packaged six freezer-ready servings for whenever you need them!"
Be generous. Each meal was just that. My daughter's friend brought a delicious Mexican meal which we cut into six portions. We each had one for dinner and froze the remaining food. Doing this allowed me to meal plan for the following week, not be wasteful, and not extend meal service beyond what was needed.
If you visit—keep it short. My friend who brought the soup did not want to come inside for fear of overexerting me. I convinced her to come in for a visit with one condition—she told Joe to set a timer! That is what we did. It was perfect, especially since I did need rest, but I loved the visit with my friend!
Consider just a grown-up visit. (Unless it is the grandkids!) While I loved seeing our grandsons, I also needed to obey the restrictions given by my doctors. Both of my daughters knew my limitations, so a visit was pleasant and something I enjoyed!
What to do when your needs are met but still receive offers to help:
Graciously let them know that your needs are currently being met and ask, “may I put you on a list should we need help?” I compiled lists for different categories such as: "Offers to Provide Meals"; and “Offers to Watch Joey”; etc. Joe had the lists just in case help was needed.
The help, the good wishes, the prayers, and the people checking in brought me through my recovery. I hope these tips are helpful in your ministry and life. It is just wonderful when we can help each other out. I am most thankful, grateful, and blessed!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com, and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/
