I have been there. The year was 2013, and I stepped foot in a church with my children for the first time since my youngest was born. Both of my boys were toddlers, but they were—and, of course, still are—autistic. This church was ill-prepared for the disabled. Their words were anything but well thought out, cut deep, and left us wounded.
Because of this experience, we did not step back into a church until two years later, after we moved home.
I remember the panic I felt first stepping into our old home church. What if they would not accept our boys? The morning before we returned, I was a mess, in tears, looking at my two sweet boys. I whispered a simple prayer, “God, please let there be a place for my boys. I cannot do that again. They will not grow up in church if they can’t be loved in church.”
Had I never stepped into that place, I would not be who I am today. My boys would not be who they are today. That step across the threshold proved to be a step of faith. It was stepping forward and saying, “Now it’s your turn to show up, God.” And He did.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
As members of the disability community or the parents/caregivers who love them, we know the Church is not overtly welcoming.
Photo by Ability Ministry on Disability Is Beautiful
I must say two things: first, it is heartbreaking. Second, people know what they know; if they don’t understand how hurtful their actions are, it may be ignorance rather than apathy.
You can help bring light to this blindspot—how you ask? By simply showing up and being the incredible and imperfect family you are.
With all my soul, I wish I could promise every congregation would offer understanding, compassion, and celebration of you and your loved one. However, we both know this cannot be promised.
But I can promise you that our God of the Bible is real. He loves you, sees you, and celebrates you.
I can promise you are not alone in these struggles.
I can promise it will be 100% worth it when you find your church home. Truthfully, I can promise you that you cannot fathom the level of love and community that can be found in Christ’s Body of Believers until you connect with those who love God, too. We are all pieces of an exquisite and expansive mosaic. Togetherness is in our design. So, it is fitting to be in the presence of other people who love God. I promise you want to keep trying.
If you have been burned by a church that didn’t understand, you have every right to grieve. You must grieve. Please, my precious brothers and sisters, don’t let another person’s ignorance or obstinance push you further from God. You were created to know and be known by God. So were your children—that includes the ones with special needs.
The day I tried again, I had no idea I was taking a step of faith. I just did it. Today, I invite you to make a similar step. Consider this your formal invitation to be sure of what you cannot see. Maybe the next church will be the right one. Maybe it won’t. I don’t know.
The right body of believers is out there, but they may not know it…yet. They may not even be able to understand…yet. But they will be willing to learn. I promise the family you seek will be worth it. You will grow with them. You will laugh with them. When you are finally ready, you will be vulnerable with them—you’ll even cry with them. It will be beautiful.
Try.
Please try.
And if it doesn’t work out, try again.
Then keep trying because you can be sure of what you do not see.
What if your step of faith makes a place for a family who doesn’t know God? What if your simple trust acts as a catalyst in your family and others in the disability community? Would it be worth it, then?
Truth says your family needs the church because we were not meant to walk by faith alone. That means the church needs you, too. The only question is, will you take the step of faith and trust God to show up? I pray you will because God can do some incredible and crazy things.
I have never seen a step of great faith that was not met with at least a small miracle. As the special needs community, it’s time to stop counting the offenses the church has done to us and step up to help build a bridge. Perhaps the Church is so blind to its tendency to disregard the least of these because we have not walked into the authority given us by God as image bearers. We, the disabled and their families, are made powerful in His power, and I believe we can change things and help steer the Church back in line with Jesus. To do so, we must stop letting the enemy of our soul tell us offense is a reason to remove ourselves. That will take much faith, but if we do it, we will see the worthiness of the work. I have never seen God ignore big faith. It always comes with a big blessing.
Don’t worry, you're not taking this leap alone. We are here to support you. Please reach out to us. We believe with you and are here to offer a listening ear, support, and resources as needed. Most importantly, God is with you. And if God is for you, whom shall you fear? You can certainly be sure of the things you do not see.
Take the step, Beloved. He’s got you. And He’s got this.
Joanna French is the special needs pastor at Flint Hills Church, Junction City, KS. Joanna and her husband Jairmie have two boys with autism. In 2017, Joanna started Flint Hills Embrace, with the goal to make Flint Hills Church a place where everyone belongs. Why? Because we all have a place in God's plan.
