, , , , , , ,

Kelly & Daniel Rosati Panel Discussion: Podcast EP 121

, , , , , , ,

At Mental Health & the Church Conference 2024, Dr. Steve Grcevich interviewed Kelly & her son Daniel Rosati on their experience with Schizophrenia, their powerful testimony of Jesus' grace, and how the church can support families like theirs.

Listen Anywhere You Find Podcasts!

Larah Roberts: Hi, and welcome to episode 121 of the Key Ministry podcast. My name is Larah Roberts and I have the joy of serving as Director of Operations on the Key Ministry team. In today's episode, Dr. Steve Grcevich, our founder and president of Key Ministry interviews, Kelly and Daniel Rosati. Kelly is the president of Hope for Brighter Tomorrows and has over 30 years of experience advocating for children in foster care, mental health and adoption. Daniel, her son, is a devoted Christ-follower who is living with schizophrenia. And during this panel discussion, he shares his powerful story of God's faithfulness in his life. Together, the Rosati family offers hope and encouragement for families navigating similar challenges, while also encouraging the church to welcome those who are impacted by mental health issues. Let's listen in to this meaningful conversation.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Daniel, Kelly, I am so delighted that both of you are able to join us today. I've known Kelly, I guess for about seven or eight years since you were like 'grand poobah' over everything, mental health and Focus on the Family, and…

Kelly Rosati: There was no 'grand poobah-ing'. Let's get that clear.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: And I have known about Daniel for a long time, but we just got a chance to meet a couple of weeks ago and I was extraordinarily impressed with Daniel and that he is, he's a great guy. I know some of you have gotten a chance to meet him over the last couple of days, and I...

Kelly Rosati: Hey Doc, can I interrupt you a second? Yeah. I just want to tell you all, can you see me over here through this? I just want to brag about Dr. G for a minute. He has no idea I'm going to do this, but we've actually known each other, I think a little bit longer than that. And I have to tell you, it was during a time when Daniel was struggling in such a way that I really wasn't sure what was going to happen. And the level of hopelessness and despair that I had for my son could never be adequately described or quantified. And Dr. Grcevich never left me in terms of being an encouragement and giving me guidance about where to go next and what to do next. And I will forever be thankful. I don't think it's an understatement to say that he helped to save Daniel's life because yeah, let's give him a hand for that. He pushed us in the best way in advising way, and it wasn't until we sought out what I was told or who I was told was the best schizophrenia doctor Harvard's McLean Psychiatric Hospital, that Daniel got the proper medicine that has saved and transformed his life. So I just wanted to very publicly thank Dr. Grcevich for his incredible support of our family. So, sorry, I'll try not to interrupt you again.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: So Daniel, as you've shared Daniel, I know you have schizophrenia. And so for a lot of folks who aren't as familiar with mental health challenges, sometimes that term can sound a little scary. Can you tell the folks who are gathered here and watching online, what do you experience and what's it like for you when you have sort of a flare up of your schizophrenia and when it gets worse?

Daniel Rosati: Well for me, I see a man and two dogs that usually they follow me for a while and I can usually tell if it's real or not, but I know it gets bad when I think the things that I'm imagining or seeing are real.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: So what else happens that? I mean when this gets bad enough, I understand that sometimes you've had to go into the hospital.

Daniel Rosati: Yeah.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Okay. How has having schizophrenia impacted your life in terms of how you get along with friends or how you interact with your family or how has it limited you in terms of being able to go to school or keep a job?

Daniel Rosati: Well, I can't keep a job because it's just a little too hard. With all the things going on in my head, I get confused and it's not good. And what was the other one?

Dr. Steve Grcevich: How has it affected, say how you get along with your mom and dad and your brothers and sisters?

Daniel Rosati: It's a little stressful. I don't want them to see the symptoms and I don't want them to worry, so I kind of have to up my game, I guess. But yeah, I still love spending time with them and it's awesome. It just makes it a little tricky.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: So one of the things that I was struck by a couple weeks ago when we had a chance to talk is how much you love Jesus and how much you love serving in the church. Can you talk to everybody here a little bit about how your faith in Jesus helps you to cope with your schizophrenia?

Daniel Rosati: Yes. I repeat bible verses and in my notes on my phone I have a Bible verse for each feeling I have so I can open up my phone and be like, okay, I'm nervous, so I'm going to read Psalm 23, and that really helps.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: That's awesome. So I know that I understand, you were telling me that you're actually involved with a couple of different churches like out in Colorado Springs. What have you experienced at church that's been most helpful to you and the churches you've gone to? What have they done that's made it easier for you with your schizophrenia to be involved there?

Daniel Rosati: Definitely having someone there that knows what I'm going through, doesn't have to sit by me or be with me the whole time. Just that I have it in the back of my mind that if I were to need help or I'd have be comfortable enough to ask someone to help me. And then sitting in church with a lot of people, I hear voices sometimes and it's hard to tell where they're coming from and to discern if they're real or not. So my church has a TV outside and I'll sit on the couch and watch the TV and it helps me focus more

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Kind of like the setup here.

Daniel Rosati: Yeah. Out there.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Okay. What would you like pastors and other church leaders to know if they want other people with challenges similar to yours to feel valued and welcome at their church?

Daniel Rosati: Well, one thing I thought would be cool is if the pastor doing the sermon or something they could talk or learn about how our life is and kind of talk about that. I mean, I don't have a family of my own. I don't know how to drive. I don't go to work. And a lot of the times when the pastor talks, he gives examples like, oh, you come home from work to your wife or you drive this, and I can't relate to any of those things at all. So it makes it kind of hard to relate to what he's saying.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Well, that's good that you're sharing this because there are going to be lots of pastors watching this video. And so I wanted to turn over to your mom for a minute that I remember the first time you invited me out to Focus on the Family, and I talked to you and some other folks there. And the challenges that your family and other families with kids with mental illness are oftentimes very overwhelming. And you've spoken very publicly about this and a number of different venues. So what types of help and support did you and your husband receive from the church or from other Christians while you were raising Daniel and his siblings that were most helpful? And then the flip side to that is what were some of the things that you experienced at church that were unhelpful that we would want folks to avoid?

Kelly Rosati: Well, we've had a dear, very, very small group of friends. One's here today. She's Auntie Amy in our family, and that is her service dog, Vinny. Amy is a hospice chaplain who's the hands and feet of Jesus every single day to people dying alone with not a single soul to love them. And so having people like Amy and a couple other friends that have stood with us has been really helpful. But I have to tell you our experience, other than that, this is going to be a little hard to hear. I'm going to be really honest with you.

Because Rachel Medfind and I have known each other for some time, and her and her husband Jed are such dear people. I was actually involved in starting the Christian Alliance for Orphans before Jed was even hired and taken it over and done such a phenomenal job. And so what we saw then was this grand enthusiasm among evangelicals to get out there and finally embrace James 1:27 and to consider God's heart for orphans and for children who were alone. And so we were on the front lines of recruiting families to welcome in children who had experienced horrific abuse during those crucial in utero, and then zero to three timeframe. And there was a lot of enthusiasm about it. Everybody was excited. Everybody loved to say, oh yeah, there's people in my church who adopted kids. It's so good. We're so good. But I got to tell you what happened in our life.

And I was somebody who should have had the most. I was so privileged I was going across the country urging people to welcome in kids and to welcome in Jesus as they did so. But what I have seen since then has been nothing short of a tragedy because I have seen family after family who stood up and said, here we are, Lord, send us or rather send them to us. And it is only when the kids come home that the challenges of that early trauma sometimes begin to emerge and they begin to get compounded by addiction. They become compounded by mental illness. And I could not agree more with the things Rachel said about just things that are helpful for daily life. But I got to tell you, in my world and in the world of the families that I see and that I serve, we are not dealing with issues of put down your phone and go outside.

We are dealing with issues of, I don't know if I'm going to be burying my child every single day. I don't know if I can keep my children alive. So I got to admit to you that I don't care if I can drag them to a church where people think I'm just a bad parent because my kids don't behave the way typically developing kids behave. I don't care that they worry about my kids having tattoos and feel offput by it. I don't care that my kids can't sit perfectly still and conform to our Western American practices of Christianity. I was fighting and my husband was fighting for our kids' lives and without medicine and without the mental health community, which has showed more kindness and compassion to our family than most of what I have received in churches by kind, well-meaning people who absolutely have no framework for suffering and for what it means to walk with those who are suffering at a deep level.

And so mostly, I'm sorry to say that what we experienced, it was not good. And I got to say one more thing to you. And I know these are hard things to hear. I love the church. I'm not bashing her. I love Jesus. I love Jesus. But I got to tell you, when Daniel began to get involved in a church, thank God it's a good one. But I woke up in the middle of the night one night panicked that the worst place for him could be at a church because that's where he could encounter people who said to him, you don't need your medicine. Medicine. You just need to pray more and trust God more and read your Bible

Daniel Rosati: Demons.

Kelly Rosati: Yes, and it's demons. And I got panicked that what if some well-meaning, but ignorant person convinced my son to go off his medicine. That's a life and death situation. And so I got to tell you, we've got our collective work in front of us, and I'm encouraged that there are people who want to do better. But there is a big difference between cultivating general wellness and mental health practices. As Rachel described them so beautifully. I would not still be alive without beauty and movement and frankly, my emotional support horse who I had an accident on, which is why I look like I can't move. But I need those things to survive myself. But when you're dealing with a kid who can't get out of the room, you're dealing with a kid who won't go to school, you're dealing with a kid for whom there are no consequences, there is no formula of just dare to discipline. Sorry. Not only doesn't work, it harms our kids. And so, sorry, I just got preaching, but I wanted to be honest with you. It would've been better to have other things. And that's why we're in this ministry together because we believe that Jesus is the most grieved by it all because Jesus never meets us in the way that Christians who deal with deep suffering and deep mental health issues and addiction and trauma are often met by their churches.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Kelly, thank you for reminding us of why we're having this conference and why we've done the ministry that we've done for the last 22 years. I want to let Daniel have the last word. One of the things I was so impressed when I got a chance to talk to you about the way that you love Jesus. Can you take just a minute and talk about how would you like to be able to serve Jesus through being active and involved at your church?

Daniel Rosati: Well, I am a drug addict. I'm an addict. And this year, March 9th, I hit five years sober, five years clean of meth. The road was long, but I definitely learned a lot of things along the way. So I'd love to share with someone struggling in addiction, mental health, calming people down. I'm pretty good at that. What else? Yeah, I feel like I have a good connection with kids.

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Well, I think the point that I wanted you to make is that what church wouldn't be blessed to have you as a member? And that part of the reason why we do this is that there are millions of people like you, Daniel, who have gifts and talents and passion that they were given by the Holy Spirit to help to build up the church. And the church misses out on that when they're not intentional about welcoming you and welcoming other guys you've met in the hospital or where you live, who need to know Jesus. But they also need to be in a position to use the gifts and talents that they've been given to be a blessing to others. So I just want to thank you for having the courage to fly across the country and to share in front of all these who you hadn't met until two days ago. So I'm incredibly impressed, and I think that your parents have done a real nice job.

Daniel Rosati: I agree.

Kelly Rosati: Can I say one last thing? I promise. I just want people to see and to know Daniel, and to understand that when you're in your cities or wherever you are and you drive by and you might see a person who is unhoused, this man has gone from meth addiction and homelessness to thriving in Christ. And every one of those people that we see is made in the image and likeness of almighty God. And we say that in the abstract, but I don't know if we really believe it in our hearts. I don't know if we really believe people who have tattoos and need to smoke cigarettes. Some kind of connection, Dr. G will have to explain to me about the brain with cigarettes and people with schizophrenia,

Dr. Steve Grcevich: Dopamine.

Kelly Rosati: But you know what? It's time to change the paradigm. It's time to flip the script and actually walk our talk about the fact that we believe in almighty God who has a plan for each and every person made in his image. And I hope that seeing Daniel and meeting him gives you that charge and will. And then the last thing I'll say is I have learned so much from this man that I have been blessed to call my son. He is the most kind, compassionate, nonjudgmental, willing to put himself out there, faithful, loyal person that I know, and I learn from him every single day. Thank you.