I did something bold recently in a sermon. Perhaps bold is the wrong word.
I did something costly recently in a sermon. That might be a better way of describing the moment.
I shared my family’s hurt and pain of feeling excluded and unaccepted by the very church that I, as its pastor, am called to love and serve. I shared offensive words shared with me regarding my autistic son’s needs. I shared how these actions created a wall between our family and the church. We felt unwelcome.
As a result, my wife and children have decided not to return to the church. I even shared how I knew I had caused the church pain because of how I have had to lead during difficult and trying times for the church.
It was the hardest thing I have ever said in a sermon, and I am one known to be transparent, believing my transparency helps others to be open about their struggles. The way it was received created an opportunity for reflection. While some had ears to hear what we shared as a desired hope for healing, many were unwilling to hear the hurt from those in pain and dismissed it. Maybe it was because of the venue, but perhaps it was because it would cause the church to admit when it has caused harm.
Image from @benwhitephotography on Unsplash
We can pray the words of the UMC's Great Thanksgiving of “we have failed to be an obedient church” and think nothing of these words. However, our prayer moves into actionable steps when we seek to hear someone's pain, accept we have done wrong, and desire to do better. We struggle to do this, because we fail to heed the words from James in James 1:19. He writes, “Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger." When it comes to receiving the pain from families and individuals affected by disabilities who share their pain with the church, we fail to do what James suggests.
The church is often slow to listen to the pain of the disability community because we are quick to dismiss the pain others feel.
Those who express hurt by sometimes receive backlash from the church through whataboutism. It is the act of pointing the finger back at the person who brings up an issue by suggesting other issues or concerns as more important. This act closes off our ability to hear the pain and hurt, because we do not think what we are told is important. We harden our hearts to the pain of others, which adds to the pain someone already feels.
When this is our posture, we are not slow to speak but quick to express our thoughts about what we have heard. We do not express our sorrow from the pain, but instead voice our defense for our actions. We are quick to express how hurt we are by being told a church is not welcoming. In doing so, we share words that blame someone for feeling the way they do about the church. We will forcefully defend ourselves and talk about what we have done that that person is "forgetting." While it may be natural to defend ourselves, when we do this, we fail to reflect on what we have heard and where we have fallen short of what God calls us to be as a church.
As we are slow to listen and quick to speak, we can become quick to express our anger. Our ways of defense is often done through anger and resentment towards the one expressing hurt at hearing how the church has failed to be the church. How dare someone tell us that we are not being a loving church, we tell ourselves. We might not show our anger through rage. Instead, we often do so by refusing to engage a person, talking about them being their backs, or encouraging someone to leave.
I recognize I am not perfect in this. I can be slow to listen, quick to speak, and express my anger when someone expresses when I have caused harm. In doing this, I am acting more like the world instead of as a follower of Christ called to express the grace of Christ. I have to remind myself to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to show anger. It is not easy, but it is necessary when seeking to build a community of grace and welcome.
When individuals and families with disabilities express their hurt at the church’s struggles to be a more inclusive community, the church, too, needs to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to express its anger, so that we can be the holy community Christ calls us all to reflect.
Shannon Blosser is a United Methodist pastor serving in West Virginia. He writes on how the church, especially the small church, can be more effective in its inclusion of individuals and families with disabilities. He is a father of an autistic child. You can follow him on Facebook and Threads. He posts, as well, at shannonblosser.com
