My oldest son (neurotypical) had a dentist appointment. We arrived and I was asked to update his health history.
Circle yes or no. Three long columns of health history were listed below: allergies, asthma, birth defects, cancer, cerebral palsy, cleft lip, diabetes, down syndrome, heart murmur, kidney disease, seizures, and on and on. You know the drill. It's routine, but for some reason that form gets me every single time. The answers are all no.
No. None. Not any.
He's fine. He doesn't have a single yes to any of them.
Sometimes it brings me to tears of thankfulness. Mac is your classic healthy kid.
Sometimes it forces me to fight back tears of grief. Nathan is not your classic kid in any way, shape, or form.
Every time the tears come, I ask that great big question I'm not supposed to ask. The question so big and so demanding, yet equally weak and unyielding. The question with no answers, at least not the ones I want. And it never ever leads to a solution.
I ask the question, Why?
Why does Nathan have so many medical complications and special needs?
It's not necessarily helpful, but it's instinctual.
As soon as I realized what I was thinking—right there in the waiting room—I dismissed the big giant question and went on tube feeding Nathan while we waited for the hygienist.
My big question did not go unnoticed by God however, because later that night when we were doing Mac's Bible homework, this is what his assigned Scripture read:
But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”
Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” - Exodus 4: 10-11 (NLT)
Well okay then. God decides whether people speak or not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see. He decides the yeses and nos on health history forms. Who am I to question these things with my weak questions like Why? when all along His answer, His promise truly, is, I will be with you. I will instruct you.
But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." - Exodus 14: 13-28 (NLT)
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