You came near when I called on you; you said, "Do not fear!" Lamentations 3:57
Fear. It can take over your life. It can ruin everything in its path. It can divert you to safer areas. Well, you think they are safer. It can deny you so much.
I have personally battled fear all my life. I learned very early on not to trust many people. I lived around fear and always fighting it.
Ulcers at 8 years-old were my friend.
My friend at the time was raped and murdered.
My step-brothers did things to me that were not okay.
A group of boys chased me down at school around this time.
One day walking my younger sister by our house a guy with a pantyhose around his face came towards me and I ran as fast as I could back in the house.
My step dad would yell and throw dishes sometimes.
This was all before I was even 10.
I have always been a fighter. I don't give up. You can't break me down. As you can see there should have been plenty of reasons for me to give up, but I didn't.
When I became pregnant with my second child (after being blessed with a daughter prior and even after my husband's cancer diagnosis) I was elated. I couldn't wait to meet this child. We didn't find out if it was a boy or girl until HE came into the world. He was perfect besides the jaundice he had. As time went on we started to see strange behaviors and he wasn't talking either. Just before he was three years-old the doctor said, "He has autism."
All the fear from years earlier came crashing in. My anxiety went to a height I had not seen yet. I kept telling God what a broken mess I was and couldn't help my son who needed a mom who had it all together.
Someone who had no anxiety.
Someone who had no scars.
Someone who was strong.
Someone who had no fear.
It took quite a while but God showed me about one year later that He chose me for Charlie actually. He thought I was the perfect mom for him. He has grown me so much since Charlie was born and especially once the diagnosis of autism entered our lives. He shows me daily that He has got it all. He has used my earlier fears and scars to help Charlie and He has used Charlie's struggles to conquer my fear and anxiety. He shows me daily His strength that gives me hope.
Giving me hope to see Charlie graduate someday.
Giving me hope to see Charlie have a true friend one day.
Giving me hope to see Charlie get a job.
Giving me hope to see Charlie drive his own car.
Giving me hope to see Charlie meeting a girl and marrying one day.
He gave me hope when he started to communicate with his hands. He gave me hope when he started using his words to tell me things. He gave me hope after five years-old when he started using the bathroom on his own with some assistance. He gave me hope after Charlie started to read. He gave me hope after Charlie stopped hitting himself when he couldn't communicate. He gave me hope when Charlie got his driving permit.
We have started a brand new year and I hope you can look back a little bit and see the things that have changed for the good and see how God has lifted your fear and anxiety as your child or grandchild has gained new skills.
It is a journey. It is not a sprint. There are ups and downs but the big picture of the graph has an incline up. Don't let your fears take over your life like they did mine. It wastes so much time in our life, really.
God wants us to trust Him with it ALL! He wants us to not waste time and see His glory through all the pain, all the struggle as He holds us tightly.
I am now letting Him hold me tightly. I am now letting Him take over, no matter the fears that try and come in. I hope today you can feel God's presence and feel the immense love He has for you. He is there to help you every single day, 24 hours a day. Just let Him.
Blessings, Patty Myers www.building-pathways.com
