We recently had to make an important choice: back to school or not? This is a tough decision being faced by families all over the world, and each has its own pros and cons to be weighed. In the special needs world it is a particularly challenging subject.
Nick started school in-person. And although in years past I would post the traditional “back to school” pictures and summaries, I felt a little awkward about it this year and ended up staying quiet. Of Nick's classmates, only he and one other student actually returned to the classroom. The rest of the parents opted to remain at-home for the time being.
I realized there were a lot of varied opinions, concerns, fears and perhaps judgements being made on the subject of whether or not it’s a good idea to send my son, who has a rare genetic disorder, back to school. Clearly, the majority of parents at his school felt differently.
The stark difference in our approach to what is best for our children reminds me of the broader struggle within the special needs parenting world: the tendency to compare ourselves with others and to second-guess our—or their—decisions.
Photo credit: Jeffrey Hamilton on Unsplash.com.
I love that while the Bible is universal and God’s Word applies to all of us, it shows us that “different strokes for different folks” is how God’s kingdom is designed. During Moses’ life, for example, God instructed him to approach similar problems in very different ways. During Jesus’ ministry on earth, He addressed people with the same issue in a variety of different ways. What I learned in studying God's Word is that He guides each of us on our own unique path, which is laid out specific to our purpose, destiny and calling.
Here is how I’ve learned to navigate the difficult choices that need to be made for our kids when there is no clear right or wrong.
First, by praying about it. It sounds obvious, but so many times I forget this step, specifically bringing a decision before the Lord and asking Him to guide me.
Next, I check myself. Searching my heart to make sure that neither comparison, judgement, pride nor fear are leading my choices. Where I find one (or several) of those holding influence, I repent and expose those things to the light where they can’t control my decision.
Finally, I allow the peace that comes with a decision led by the Holy Spirit to direct my path.
This process works the same in any of the areas where we can get caught up in what other parents are doing. There are daily choices we must make on behalf of our child, which are not clearly “right or wrong” but rather where we are expected to seek the counsel of the Lord for our situation. There is no one way to treat any two children—no matter if the diagnosis is the same, prognosis is the same, educational challenge is the same, etc.
So in this season of even more difficult decisions, let’s not make it harder on ourselves (or others) by assuming there is only one way. There is one answer that applies very specifically to me: that is the one I should seek prayerfully and soberly. And then walk in the conviction that in following the leadership and peace of the Holy Spirit, God will guide me—and set in place guide rails for me—as I intend to follow His plan for us. He will certainly lead others differently. Let that not worry my heart, nor distract my mind from His voice and leading.
If your child has gone back to school—good job! If you’re not sending your child back to school—good job! As long as you’ve prayed about it and feel like you are making the right choice for your family, you have done your job.
Follow Melanie Gomez at https://redefinespecial.com and on Facebook.
