Recently, a friend of mine remarked that she was on the struggle bus. She said it jokingly, but I realized that I am way too familiar with that bus. In fact, I think a few of those struggle bus adventures took me much farther than I wanted to go.
I am no stranger to struggles as someone raising a child with special and medical needs. The challenges we have faced together have ranged from minor to serious. Some of the more trivial tests have been finding clothes that fit my daughter’s short stature, discovering a razor that she can use independently, and purchasing shoes to fit over the braces she wears on her feet. Of more consequence, there have been open heart surgeries, emergent breathing issues, ambulance rides in the middle of the night, safety concerns when out in public, and medical equipment to use daily.
As someone who has faced a myriad of challenges, it is easy for me to downplay the degree to which I am mentally struggling. “I’m fine,” has been my mantra for years. Sometimes, my inner dialogue is nothing but a repeated track of “Everything is going to be fine.” There is hope and faith tucked inside this saying. I’m incredibly careful not to make negative confessions over myself, my daughter, or a certain situation. However, this mentality may lead to something else.
I now see that when I claim to be fine when reality suggests otherwise is an unhealthy denial. The denial is dangerous because it affects how I care for myself. I ignore things going on in my mind and body and keep powering through. After all, I’m a loving mother who wants to care for her child, even during exhaustion and intense times of stress. I want to believe that I am fine, but it may not be the case.
Photo credit: Denisse Leon on Unsplash.com.
The longer I am on this caregiving journey with my daughter, I see how important it is to recognize mental struggling for what it is, and do what is in my power to help the situation. These are signs that my struggles are not “fine:”
Body aches and tightness—My body absorbs all the anxiety and stress. I usually don’t realize how badly my body is affected until I feel pain that cannot be ignored in my back, neck, or arms. The pain is the alarm that my muscles are extremely tight and require action from me.
Non-stop motion—I engage in something to do all day long, whether I need to or not. Chores, listening to podcasts, working ahead on tomorrow’s to-do list, messaging people, wasting time on my Kindle, and anything else I can think of are done to stay busy.
Sleepiness—I feel tired all day long. Even after I wake up, I could take a nap.
Inability to relax—If I do somehow get myself to sit down to take a break, my mind keeps going and tries to keep me amped up.
There are a few things that I have found helpful when I care to acknowledge these symptoms. This varies from simple things like leaving the house for a few hours, to much needed treats like getting a massage. It is only when I can let go of the façade that all is well that I can get on track to get there.
Challenges are going to occur in life. Sometimes, I will handle them with grace, faith, and amazing strength. However, I don’t always handle them well and end up on a mentally-taxing struggle bus. It’s a hard thing to admit, but it is an important step.
If you find yourself riding on that struggle bus, I pray that you get insight, clarity, and help for your situation. Even if your circumstances are out of your control, I hope that you can take positive steps to help your emotional well-being. Perhaps, you will never see that bus again.
Evana is a wife and mother of two children. Since becoming a parent, Evana has spent many hours driving to specialty appointments, praying beside a hospital bed, and learning about her children’s diagnoses. Evana is also a pediatric speech-language pathologist and serves children with autism, feeding disorders, and other developmental delays. You can connect with Evana on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, A Special Purposed Life. You can also read more about her family’s story in her book, Badges of Motherhood: One Mother’s Story about Family, Down syndrome, Hospitals, and Faith.
