We all have times when we feel we’re not heard, loved, noticed, cared for, appreciated, and the list goes on, yet in the world of caring for one with special needs, caregivers are often going, caring, and serving with little rest or reserve for one another. That is dangerous. It’s dangerous in all marriages when we get caught on the road to destruction and don’t notice the danger signs. Let us give you a few thoughts to consider so you don’t go off the road!
Dr. Howard Hendricks once said, “99 percent of God’s will is made from the neck up.” This simple statement would serve many people well, if they took a moment to realize they can make right choices if they think first and act appropriately.
Affairs are often magical lures that free us—in our mind—from responsibility. The infatuation and the secretiveness are often exciting, but never long-lasting. It promises something it will never truly deliver in the ways we hoped or thought.
In trying to find companionship, purpose, caring, etc., people make decisions to have an affair: one poor choice at a time toward it. Infidelity isn’t just about sex, it’s also secrecy, deception, manipulation, lies, and betrayal. And just in case you’re feeling confused, God will never send you someone else’s spouse or ask you to go find another one. You can’t run to sin and God. God doesn’t bless sin. Sin hardens our heart so we can’t see our own sin. If this is you, you need to make some serious changes.
Photo credit: Christin Hume on unsplash.com
Like an unsuspecting bug that flies into a sweet smelling Venus flytrap is one who walks toward the lure that will tempt and trap. Years ago at an event where I (Cindi) was praying with women, one shared with me how she methodically and manipulatively seduced men at her place of work and would meet them in various locations including their car in the work parking lot. She didn’t care if she broke up a home, if she hurt someone else, or anything else someone with a healthy mind would hopefully first think about and consider before taking these actions. She said she would zone in on the man who mentioned he was lonely, who spoke negatively about something at home, shared a confidence he shouldn’t have, or talked negatively about his wife. Her zoning in was listening, giving attention, and soon he was trapped. You might be picturing someone very attractive, an easy lure, and super sexy. Nope. But she knew how to zoom in, find the weak spot, and devour her prey. And, yes, she professed to be a Christian, and yes, I prayed for and with her and then reported the conversation to someone at the venue. The event could have been a whole new playground for her, if she wasn’t serious about wanting to stop this sin that affected her and many others.
Have you stumbled? Interested in pursuing someone other than your spouse? Been disobedient to God? Here’s a warning from Proverbs 2:17-18: “…who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. Surely her house leads down to death.…” Here are a few steps of action to take:
End it now.
Let the other person know it’s over. Find someone to hold you accountable to staying away from that person.
Have no more contact—not in word, meeting, or via others.
Focus on rebuilding trust with your spouse after forgiveness has take place with your spouse.
Restore marital communication and consider therapy to move forward in a healthy way.
If your mind is going in the wrong direction, but you’ve not acted on that thought yet:
Stop that line of thinking. Think about the reasons you married and why you loved your spouse, and begin loving them in your mind again.
Talk positively about your spouse.
Keep your personal home business private.
Keep your business conversations focused only on business.
Don’t share things that should only be shared with your spouse.
We know the lures and temptations are real. We speak around the country on the topic of marriage, and we hear these sad but true stories all the time. The ones who want to make their marriage relationship right will take the steps to do so. The ones who are selfish—and want what they want—will allow their marriage to die. But we know that you can affair-proof your marriage when you take the right next steps.
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife, and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at www.cindiferrini.com and social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/.
