There are an overabundance of decisions to make in life right now. For many people I know, school decisions are presently giving parents much to ponder. In addition, parents are making decisions about attendance for events both large and small, going inside of public places, and a dozen other things.
Some parents are admittedly terrified of making the wrong decision for their child. Sometimes, it is hard to know what to do. Our family has faced many circumstances over the years that necessitated some hard decision-making.
About five years ago, I sat near my daughter with special and medical needs in the Intensive Care Unit. A respiratory virus was attacking her lungs. A BiPAP was supporting her breathing, but things were worsening. The numbers on the monitor were falling, and I feared the ventilator may be the next step. A ventilator had been needed for another illness once before, and I never wanted to see my daughter that sick again.
I fervently prayed for my daughter’s breathing to stabilize and for the BiPAP to be enough. After hours of reading scripture, praying, and watching my daughter go downhill, I received a text from a sweet friend who did not know our current situation. She encouraged me with a scripture and a word to not fear increased support, if that is what my daughter required.
A few hours later, the doctors entered the hospital room with two choices. We could put our daughter on the ventilator now and try to stay on top of the illness before things got any worse. The other option would be to let things go a few hours, see if she would improve on her own, and most likely do an emergent ventilator placement.
My husband and I did not hesitate when we were given the options. We knew the ventilator was the right decision, as we felt we had confirmation of what we should do. We wished things would not have escalated to that point, but we felt at peace. Other things in life have not been so easy to discern.
Photo credit: H Shaw on Unsplash.com.
Back in December, my husband and I started looking for a vehicle to replace my well-used van with 250,000 miles. We spent hours going to dealerships, searching online, and looking for vehicles that could accommodate my daughter’s wheelchair and needs. Much to the frustration of my husband, I could not decide. Nothing felt right. I guess you could say that I decided to keep my van. When the COVID-19 shutdown hit, my husband and I both found ourselves on reduced work hours. We were thankful we did not have a vehicle payment during the months when our pay was lowered. The right decision had been made months prior, but we did not know it at the time. That situation ended up being a blessing, but others have not felt that way.
Years ago, some members of my daughter’s medical team suggested an aggressive airway surgery to help stabilize her breathing at night. When it was first presented to us, I said I would never agree to the surgery. A couple of years later, I signed consents to have the surgery performed. At the time, it seemed necessary as it was one of her last best options. We felt fairly good about the decision to have the surgery until afterwards.
The recovery was much more painful and difficult than explained. It also lasted weeks longer than anticipated. As I held her hand in the emergency room following an unexpected complication, I regretted what we had done. It seemed we had made a terrible decision. I felt guilty, remorseful, and wished I could take away my daughter’s pain. It was not until much later—a year or more—that I could look back and know we did the right thing. Some decisions do not lead to pretty and happy endings, after all.
To help us reach decisions, my husband and I do a few things in situations that require thoughtful contemplation.
First, we make a list of pros/cons. By doing this, we are able to look at facts rather than fears and emotions.
Second, we pray and seek wisdom from God. We look for confirmations and peace to help guide our decisions.
Third, we try to decide things in a timely manner. Staying in a state of indecision tends to produce stress and anxiety in me. Therefore, we have found it is better to decide sooner than later and move forward.
Finally, once a decision is made, we try not to second guess ourselves. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We recognize that we will never be 100% perfect in our decisions, but reflecting on a “bad” choice is wasteful. If a decision is wrong, it is good to seek God, forgive yourself, and try to move forward. God does not want us to focus on past regrets.
For those of you pondering what to do in certain aspects of life, I pray that you will make choices based upon God’s wisdom and direction. You can do this!
Evana is a wife and mother of two children. Since becoming a parent, Evana has spent many hours driving to specialty appointments, praying beside a hospital bed, and learning about her children’s diagnoses. Evana is also a pediatric speech-language pathologist and serves children with autism, feeding disorders, and other developmental delays. You can connect with Evana on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, A Special Purposed Life. You can also read more about her family’s story in her book, Badges of Motherhood: One Mother’s Story about Family, Down syndrome, Hospitals, and Faith.
