"I can't do this by myself!"
My six-year-old grandson's words echoed in my ears.
He already knew how to tie his shoes when he held them on his lap. He was struggling to tie them when they were on his feet.
My situation wasn't all that different from his.
I had used Blackboard to design the college class I was about teach for the first time ever. But I was struggling with the platform while interacting with students and grading their work.
I stared at the computer screen, baffled by all the buttons, wondering which one to click. "I can't do this by myself!" I thought.
That's the moment when I remembered my grandson uttering those words as he stared at the untied shoe on his foot. "Grammy, I can't do this by myself."
"I'm right here," I assured him as we sat together on the couch. "I'll stay right here until you've got it down pat."
A few minutes later, he was off, eager to show his parents how he could put his shoes on and tie them all by himself.
Photo credit: Hong Feng on Unsplash.com.
I stared at the computer screen unsure. Scared to fail. Unwilling to click one of the many buttons before me. My immobility was similar to what I sometimes experienced while raising a child with special needs, when every day brought a new obstacle.
A new setback.
A new illness.
A new search for resources and doctors.
A new solution for our child's medical condition.
As a young mom, what I wanted was for someone to take over. For someone to swoop down and rescue our family.
It was years before I understood that we didn't need to be rescued. Instead, we needed someone to sit beside us, to be with us as we learned to navigate the world of special needs parenting and grow our skills.
Once I understood that truth, I could finally reflect upon our journey and identify the family members, friends, medical professionals, educators, and strangers God sent to sit with us. Through their presence, we experienced God's presence. In His presence, we could make our way through each new challenge.
I stared at the computer screen, still unsure of how to proceed. I took a deep breath and didn't click any of the buttons. Instead I emailed the professor who had patiently coached me during the course design process.
"I can't do this by myself," I typed. "Can you help me?"
"Let's set up a Zoom call," she replied almost immediately.
She didn't swoop in and take over.
She didn't rescue me.
Instead, she answered my questions.
She encouraged me while I practiced.
She waited until I had the process down pat and said, "You've got this, Jolene. Email when you have more questions."
You don't need rescuing any more than I did. What you need is to identify the people God has sent to sit with you. You need to reach out to them and say, "I can't do this by myself. Will you help me?"
Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.
