“We do hard things” was our family motto for years. We used to encourage each other with it when we needed to be brave. We would tease each other with it when one of us didn’t want to put away the laundry or take out the trash. But after an especially stressful season, we changed our motto from “We do hard things” to “We take naps.”
Sleeping is proof of our humanity and our dependence on God. He designed us to need rest and restoration. To turn it all off for as many hours as we can get. In seasons of high stress, you think if you stop kicking, striving, and reaching, you’ll sink deeper and faster. But it’s mentally and physically exhausting. You think your survival is up to you, and sleeping is like admitting in a small way it’s not. It’s a reminder of your humanity and frailty. It’s a reminder of your dependence on the one who doesn’t sleep.
“Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep,” (Psalm 121:4).
This same God watches over you as you sleep. “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).
There are many reasons you maybe struggling to sleep. Let’s look at three of them and I’ll offer solutions that work for us.
Maybe you know you need to sleep, but turning out the light turns on your mind. And it just won’t stop. We say that my husband Lee sometimes lives with worry about the future and guilt about the past. It’s very hard for him to be in the moment, especially when he wakes up at 3:00 in the morning and can’t get back to sleep. He reminds himself of the encouragement in Proverbs 3:24, “If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” If it helps you to journal before bed or make a to do list for the next day so your mind can be at rest, make that part of your routine. Lee and our son David have starting listing three things they are thankful for that happened that day so they remember to stay in the present moment and not dwell on the past or anticipate the future.
Unlike my husband, who is quick to fall asleep but often wakes up in the middle of the night, I struggle to fall asleep. It can take me over an hour to stop tossing and turning. Here’s how I’ve learned to fall asleep faster when it’s time. I go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. In bed at 9:00, asleep by 10:00. Awake at 6:00, out of bed by 6:30. There are other ways I make falling asleep easier. I don’t drink caffeine after noon. You may be able to stop at 2:00 pm or 5:00 pm, but noon works best for me. I turn the computer off at 9:00 pm. In fact, I try to avoid anything backlit an hour before bedtime. I read from 9:00 until I’m ready to go to sleep. Most people say they can’t read fiction before bed, but I prefer it. It usually doesn’t require me to think too much. If I’m not asleep thirty minutes after I’ve gone to bed, I take melatonin. (I need it maybe once a month.)
We’ve been through seasons when it isn’t worry or the fear of giving up control that are keeping us from sleeping—it’s our son James who has autism. He goes through phases of waking up at 2:00 or 3:00 am and staying awake until bedtime the next night. There was even one night he slept from 8:00-10:00 pm and then woke up and stayed awake all night long. We were visiting Lee’s parents and I felt stuck in the room we were in so we didn’t wake up anyone else. It was awful. I was begging God for sleep. I know how stressful those seasons are, and I wish I could make them easier for all of us. Instead I pray for supernatural energy to meet my family’s needs and for the seasons of sleeplessness to be as short as possible. A lack of sleep can make everything seem harder than it actually is, which is especially bad for shipwreck mode, but we can’t control the sleep we get or don’t get when our kids are the ones keeping us up. Remain aware of your emotions and other triggers when you’re exhausted and turn them over to God to help you work through.
There comes a time to stop pushing yourself and just rest. If you don’t do it by choice, you may have to do it by necessity. Some days the bravest thing you can do is put on pants with an elastic waistband and pull the covers over your head.
Sandra Peoples (M Div) is a special-needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as the Inclusion Coordinator for Special Needs Families. She is also the Special Needs Ministry Consultant for the Southern Baptist of Texas Convention. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family and cohost of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.
