Gutting and moving to a cluster home, writing a book, helping 3 grown kids, including one with special needs living with us, keeping our marriage on track, all while trying to sell the home where nearly 20 years of life happened was a time of overwhelm for us, as we tried to spin all those plates at once. For me personally (Cindi), I had a few nights where I just couldn’t shut it down.
My mind was on gutting the cluster home, getting it all done so we could move and get the other house on the market. Figuring out who wanted what from the house, where to donate items, which items to sell, and maintaining that house kept me up at night, feeling anxious, and then tired during the day. Joe’s overwhelm was more about the finances, keeping the home and outdoors in good working order even after we moved, and the ongoing thinking, planning, and working out of those details.
Thus, together it was overtime overwhelm! But we figured out a few things that allowed us to get through that time. It has since helped us look at each season or moment of overwhelm and keep on track to be more calm, cool, and collected in the midst of chaos. It also helped us in times of crisis and chaos on the special needs journey and helping others. This principle works for the little things but also the bigger things in life, as well. Join us on the journey!
Here is how we worked through the overwhelm:
Make a list of all the things on your mind, on your list, bothering you, needing to be accomplished; name it all. We had about 7 things on our list in that scenario.
Of that list, choose the top 4-5 things troubling you the most. For us, these were the top four: writing a book was in progress, helping the kids, finishing the work on the cluster home, and selling our current home.
Look at the list and write out what needs to be done within each, and when it can be done or worked on. Be brief. For our top 4: the book—we purposed to set aside times we could write. What worked was one day a week for a few hours, not every day. Helping the grown children—what worked was giving them limited times that we could plan and put on the calendar, but always available for urgent times or emergencies like we always would do. Finishing the cluster home: making sure the hired workers followed through on things with good communication. Moving—we packed we were able, and secured others who would help on moving day. Selling our home—probably this was the biggest piece of overwhelm because it was a home that would need a precise and specific buyer, and was totally out of our control.
As we looked over this list, we realized we could:
Find time for most of the things
Plan and prepare in our week when each thing could have a time to be worked on, as long as we stayed disciplined
Pace ourselves for our personality, rest, and personal needs.
Photo credit: thestar.com, “3 Ways to Avoid Moving Day Headaches”
But there was one thing—one big thing—of which we had no control:
Selling a unique home. Because of that, we realized that we really only had one thing of overwhelm, and that was the sale of the home. All of the others things could be handled with planning and preparation.
Recognizing this one principle took a huge load off of those spinning plates, allowed us to purposely pace our days on the things we could do and allowed us to give up on the worry on the sale of our home. And that was a good thing, because it took 3+ years for it to sell. Did we sometimes have concern that it was sitting empty, that we still needed to pay bills on it and invest in certain things for it? Of course; but knowing it was out of our control helped us to have healthy conversations when we went down a path of frustration, worry, or fear.
How might overwhelm be conquered in your life right now? Start that list and begin chiseling away at the things you can control. Chip away those things as you plan, and as it works for you. For the item(s) out of your control: begin to pray about how you need to deal with it. It might be chore, job, or even a person. You’ll get a new perspective from which you can move forward, remove a plate or two, and have less times of overwhelm.
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com, and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/ and www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/.
Subscribe now on your favorite podcast app!
