Photo by Sandra Seitamaa on Unsplash
Walking into a new and unfamiliar home, announcing her name, and leaving her biological mom behind without any tears, came a 5-year-old girl. She could not write her name, count to three or say the alphabet when she entered our daughter's care. Within three days, her younger half-sister was brought home from the hospital—withdrawing from drugs. By the time Big Sister turned 6 (just 2.5 months later), she was counting by 10s to hundreds and by hundreds to thousands, saying her alphabet and sounds, reading simple words, and could throw a show-stopping temper tantrum with the same gusto with which she was learning. Yet the learning curve was about to affect us all.
Special needs came in a different type of package!
As Bupa and Muma to these precious little girls, we jumped in to help our daughter, son-in-law, and their two sons. We had no idea how much help would be needed; how much love would be shared by each of us in all different directions; how much hardship we would all hear from a little one who had no idea what her life was about; how much sadness we would endure for them, and yet what joys, richness of life, and love we would experience. We are still on the learning curve without knowing an ending time with these precious little ones from the foster care system, and thus we continue to grow along with this sweet family.
Join us on this learning curve as we share Five ways to support, help, and encourage a family in their foster care journey:
Help with meals. It really is simple for anyone to do! When our daughter endures moments or days of overwhelm with tantrums, taking the girls for several-hour visits with their birth mom (about 30 minutes away) and other life cares, we or others bring a meal. It removes a heavy mental and physical load—allowing her to avoid planning, let alone preparing a meal. If you are outside the foster family and feel you could do this, mention a day and time that you are available to drop off the dinner. It would be like a cool drink of water for everyone! When we visit, we sometimes bring a meal or a freezable meal for the day they need it. Breakfast wraps and casseroles help the morning routine. Be creative as you encourage their hard work!
Become a foster care respite provider. There are different levels of provider care options for which you might be able to serve. We have chosen to be able to provide respite care in the home of our daughter and son-in-law and provide rides to help with school and activities. Allowing them to have dates and do other things with their other two children and the foster girls as they need. It supports them tremendously.
Listen. We all need to listen to one another. It is not a gift but a skill—in which we are all working! As grandparents, we need to listen to the foster parents (our daughter and her husband) because they know what is happening in the home. We do not need to know all the details or ask why at the moment, or it at all. If they are in charge, we are to help. If we are unable to follow their lead, then we should not be helping. Fostering is complicated and requires working with case workers, guardians ad litem, the birth mother/parents, or other family members through the system channels, the foster children, their children, and their marriage. Getting an answer at the moment will be complicated. Listen well. It is a big help.
Serve and help in your capacity and when you are able. Helpers do not need to be available for every need, but any help is a great blessing. Count the cost of your life, time, energy, finances, and materials. What can you do? How can you do it? What are you willing to do? How much time can you offer? Likely, they will take whatever you can give. They need you and your support.
PRAY! While this is last on the list, it is not the least important. It should be first employed, not as a last resort. When you think of any of the family and workers involved-pray for them. Awake at night with one of them on your mind? Pray. Frustrated at what you are observing or dealing with? Pray. Need direction? Pray. Desiring answers? Pray. Prayer is not only the most important part of our lives but a necessary piece of the foster puzzle as well!
We could surely add five or more ways to help, and if you are walking or running on this journey, so could you. But let these be considerations as you answer how you might support, help, and encourage one needing it on their foster care journey! Think outside the comfort box and list what you see might be helpful that you can do—and do it as unto the Lord!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com, and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/ (Copyright by Ferrini's and also used with permission by Familylife.com/artilces.)
