A few years ago, my now ex-wife floated the idea of us getting a service dog for our autistic, nonverbal son. She felt it would be a great support for him on several levels, to help him more calmly and safely navigate his environment both in school and in public. A service dog would also help him stay emotionally regulated and be soothed by an animal companion. I was initially skeptical, since I wasn’t sure how much trouble having a service dog would be, and whether it would wind up creating more work for us. Service dogs are not like seeing-eye dogs. Service dogs require an adult handler at all times, to control the dog and give it commands. When not working, it would be a dog like any other, and we would need to adjust to this new member of the family.
In the end, I trusted his mom’s intuition, and we began researching the right trainer and agency. The best organization was based in central Iowa, about 5 hours from where we lived in northern Illinois. The agency worked with both returning veterans and special needs individuals, to provide the dogs and train the users, handlers and families who would receive them. We began making the fairly regular drive, incorporating some cool little vacations in our new travel trailer, staying in campgrounds along the way.
Our initial visit took place in July 2019. After weeks of planning, we finally hit the road with our son, his grandma and two family dogs in tow. Spending the night at a campground, even a well-maintained KOA, was an experience in and of itself, and a lot of work with our autistic, nonverbal son. The next day, we were back on the road, to another KOA campground about 20 minutes away from where the service dog agency.
We arrived at the agency the following day, the first day of our intake. A medium-sized building with a small memorial dedicated to the veterans they served anchored the front of the driveway. The building itself was located by a large indoor training facility, and had a common area for visiting families, resembling a living room. A full kitchen and several bedrooms were also in this building, for families choosing to stay overnight during their training instead of staying in a nearby hotel. In the back of this building were the dog kennels, and a large outdoor training and exercise area.
Soon after arriving, we met the head trainer and a few of his staff, then settled into the common area to discuss our son and his needs. During the conversation, our son was allowed to engage in some of his favorite activities—jumping up and down on the sofa, as well as exploring the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets. None of these behaviors were an issue for the staff.
After we spent close to an hour sharing and receiving information, we began the journey of introducing our son to a service dog in training. This dog would be a test of sorts, to see how well our son and the dog interacted with each other.
The dog was a black goldendoodle named Otter. He was about a year and a half old; his behavior definitely exhibited the puppy phase. My son was naturally drawn to him, and the lively young dog was equally taken with my son. The trainer demonstrated some ways the dog could help calm my son in moments of high energy or anxiety, laying across him to provide physical input through a command called “crash.” The dog could also simply put his head on my son’s lap, and this was a command called “visit.” We also did some playful things with Otter, like fetch and retrieve some fun toys.
Then we moved into the main training area, to begin working on more intensive training. Since the dog would always need an adult handler whenever he was in public with my son, my ex-wife and I took turns learning how to work with the dog alone, as well as with our son. Many of the commands were familiar to us, since our family dog had been through basic obedience training. But the real challenge was when we worked with my son completely tethered to the dog.
A belt was wrapped around my son’s waist and connected to the dog’s vest; a handle was also attached to the dog’s vest that my son would hold as he walked with the dog. As the adult handler, either me or his mom would control the dog with a leash, giving commands to turn, stop, and heel. We also worked commanded the doc to stay in place while we walked away from him, and then also issued other verbal commands without using the leash.
The training we experienced after that first trip pretty much resembled the training received that first weekend, with the exception of a few practice runs out in public. A couple of particular memories stand out from that time, like when we took a field trip to Wal Mart with my son and the dog. In that trip, we practiced walking with my son and the dog in a large retail environment.
Places like Wal-Mart were always challenging for our son, as he frequently got overstimulated and would seek out sensory input by grabbing whatever items he could or jumping on stacked large bags of dog food. This time, with the service dog, I noticed almost immediately that my son’s behavior was much easier to redirect. We could remind him to hold the dog’s handle instead of reaching for items on the shelves. But even more significantly, the looks and glances we typically received from customers and staff were not the typical judgmental glances, but were softened looks of compassion and understanding. The service dog provided people a visual cue that brought understanding to and acceptance of my son’s behavior.
Another day, during our training with a service dog, we were allowed to bring the dog back to our hotel room for the night. I had to leave early to go back to work, but learned during that stay, the dog was very friendly and attached to my son. However, at one point my ex-wife left the room to get some ice. Prior to leaving, she put the dog in the stay position. by using the command “place.” My son’s grandmother reported that as soon as my ex-wife left the room, the dog got up and ran in circles around the room. Needless to say, that dog proved to not be a good match for our family.
When Covid hit in 2020, all training was paused, and did not resume for about a year. By the time we restarted training in the beginning of 2021, my wife and I had divorced; the training now involved each of us taking separate trips to be trained with the potential new dogs, and then trained with each of us in our homes.
By the fall of 2021, we were ready to be matched with a dog. Honestly, the dog couldn’t have come to us at a better time, as our then 13 year-old son was an eighth grader in the full throes of puberty. The changes from puberty can be very challenging for kids on the spectrum, especially for children like my son, who could not verbally communicate any of his feelings. Whether due to puberty or not, my son had begun to display unusual aggression and meltdowns, biting and scratching his teachers and aides with much more frequency.
Luckily, we were matched with our service dog near the end of 2021, a black lab named Damon. The trainers drove the dog to my ex-wife’s home first, then set up a school training on—of all days—my son’s birthday in December. As you can imagine, Damon was the best gift my son could have received.
The trainers worked with all of the teachers and staff in my son’s special ed environment, then worked separately in his mom’s home and my home, each time for a day. The first weekend I picked up my son and Damon, I was greeted in the front yard by a very rambunctious dog, fresh out of puppyhood. Damon initially barked suspiciously at me, but once I got down to his level and greeted him, he quickly accepted me.
After working with the trainer, we were on our own with Damon until the trainers returned for a visit in the spring. I quickly got used to having Damon around, and the change in my son was quite noticeable. All of the school staff remarked to us over the next weeks and months about the significant positive difference in my son’s behavior. Damon lived up to the expectations of being an emotional support and a buddy to my son on both good and bad days.
The highlight of all of this culminated in my son’s eighth grade graduation in the summer of 2022. I previously wrote a blog about the overall experience that day, but for this post I would like to highlight the specific moment that his relationship with the dog all came together. During the ceremony, all of the students were assembled on stage, and the entire ceremony took about two hours.
My son doesn't sit long for anything. He struggled to stay in his seat, but his teacher accompanied him and Damon on the stage. My son was able to get up frequently for needed breaks, but having his dog with him also allowed my son to have sensory support to help him last through the really long stretches of time.
When it was time to receive diplomas, I was both excited and also extremely anxious over how the crowd would react to this clearly disabled student, walking on the stage with both his teacher and service dog. To my shock and amazement, when the principal introduced him as “Christopher Felageller accompanied by Damon,” the assembled families reacted with thunderous applause. It was a highlight and memory I won't soon forget. In that moment, I realized the true value of having a canine companion attached to my son. I finally realized that having a service dog wasn’t something that was a burden or made my son stand out, it was and is a support that helps him to integrate, socialize, and ultimately belong. Damon is a true gift.
John Felageller is the Ministry Relations Manager at Joni and Friends Chicago. Previous to that, he spent almost 20 years in education, working with children from Infants to Middle School, serving in a variety of roles including Teacher, Mentor Teacher and School Director. John lives in Round Lake, IL and is a single father to his son Christopher (ASD). He is a public speaker, multiple podcast guest, and regular contributor to Key Ministry’s Special Needs Family blog, as well as other special needs blogs including Hope Anew and The Mighty. Connect with John on his website: www.johnfelageller.com
