When I was a child, I sometimes found myself in trouble. My parents were fair disciplinarians. I typically received short punishments and a verbal correction when I messed up. When you’re a child, it is understandable that you will sometimes miss the mark. Parents are there to guide your actions and provide directions when errors are made. Part of growing up is recognizing and learning from mistakes.
Today, I’m in my forties. Unbelievably, I still mess up from time to time. I’m navigating my own life while parenting two children. When I was younger, I thought adults had it all together. They surely knew what they were doing all the time. Of course, I realized that learning continues as you age. As an adult, I have things to discover, and I still need input from others at times.
Parenting has been a learning experience for me. As people often say, there’s no manual for parenting. There are a multitude of decisions to make and problems to solve. Parenting is tough in general. Add in a child with special needs, the situation becomes even more complex. The decisions and problems seem more important and consequential.
Image from @jennachristina on Unsplash
As a mom, I will admit that I haven’t done everything right. I’m a human with emotions. I’m constantly feeling different degrees of fatigue and strain. There are numerous stressors on me as a mom and wife that contribute to my parenting. I will be the first to admit that there are occasions when I need to be corrected with my parenting.
I remember being gently admonished by a trusted person at my church. At the end of a regular Sunday service, I took the opportunity to receive prayer. I was mentally struggling with the burden of my daughter’s intense daily needs. One thing that made me upset in the morning was cleaning up a wet bed. Despite changing diaper brands and adding pads to the bed, nothing prevented me from having to clean up a mess most mornings.
I made my way to the front of the church and told the female ministry leader that I wanted prayer for my daughter’s nighttime incontinence. I complained about my extra morning chores that were caused by the accidents. I am positive that she could feel the frustration in my voice as I asked for prayer for my daughter. Then something unexpected happened, the woman prayed for me to have patience and for stress to decrease.
I was so caught off guard that she prayed for me instead of my daughter. It wasn’t what I asked for, yet she was right. I was in the wrong, and she could tell in the short interaction. I needed to refill my own cup. That gentle correction via a more fitting prayer was all I needed to see my own shortcoming. Looking back, I can see that I was experiencing caregiver fatigue. I took time to reflect on her prayer. I needed to look at my own attitude and responses.
There have been multiple occasions when my husband tried to correct me. My husband loves me, and he can see when stress affects me. He recognized that I was putting too much pressure on myself to “work” with my daughter with Down syndrome when she was younger. Her development was contingent on my interventions at home. He told me a number of times to back off or take a break from her exercises, sign language, etc. My husband could see that my work with my daughter was doing more harm than good because it was causing me angst. He wanted me to enjoy our daughter and not turn everything into a therapy moment.
What did I do with his gentle correction? Most of the time, I’m sorry to say that I blew him off. I didn’t receive it well from him at all. I thought I knew what was best for our daughter and for me. However, I was too close to the situation to see what was bubbling under the surface. The burden of my daughter’s progress was not mine to carry. My husband was trying to help me see that. I eventually agreed after multiple attempts by him to help me release that load.
There are times when I, as a mom, need correction. Moms have many responsibilities, and we do many wonderful things for our family. However, we may miss the mark in an area. We must be willing to accept gentle corrections in order to be more successful. Some things we may do may seem “good” or even necessary, but we must recognize when we need help, a break, or an attitude adjustment.
There is no shame in correction. There is an opportunity to gain experience. So the next time a loved one approaches you with a word of correction, be willing to reflect on the words, consider their point-of-view, and learn from them.
Evana is a wife and mother of two children. Evana is a pediatric speech-language pathologist and serves children with autism, feeding disorders, and other developmental delays. You can connect with Evana on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, A Special Purposed Life. You can also read more about her family’s story in her book, Badges of Motherhood: One Mother’s Story about Family, Down syndrome, Hospitals, and Faith.
