The playground was bustling with laughter and movement, but my boys, then just two and four years old, played in their own quiet way. After a speech therapy session, we stopped at a nearby park, a familiar part of our speech therapy routine when the weather was nice. ...
Jenn Soehnlin writes on how praying scripture revived her life as a mom to two boys with disabilities.
We were supposed to introduce ourselves to the other moms at our round table by saying our names and three quick facts about ourselves. When it was my turn, I said, “My name is Jenn, and I have two boys, and I am a special needs mom and…um…“I froze. My life revolved around the needs and endless appointments of my kids. I could not think of a single “other thing“ to say about me.
Both of my sons had delays in many areas, but it was the lack of conversations and communication I was able to have with my children that was the most devastating to me. I prayed fervently and frequently for my sons’ speech. Discouraged that God wasn’t answering my desperate prayers, one day I decided to start praying Scripture over my boys’ speech.
Several years ago, both of my young sons received several diagnoses and I found myself an anxious and overwhelmed special needs mom, living in survival mode and desperate for God. All my desperate prayers seemed to go unanswered. But just as my sons needed speech therapy to learn to communicate with us, I learned I needed Scripture to help me communicate with God in a new and powerful way.
Special needs parents already live with a lot of stress and anxiety. But when you add in the extra uncertainty that comes with COVID-19 and what’s going on with back-to-school come the fall, well, it’s possible as parents to go into anxiety overload. But there’s a verse in Isaiah that is very encouraging for all parents during this time of uncertainty regarding your child(ren) and our future.
After months of pleading these questions and God not giving me an answer, I experienced a crisis of faith that scared me. Was God a good God? Was God even real? If He was, surely He’d be answering my questions and my prayers, right? One day while journaling my struggles, sorrows, complaints and whys, I felt strongly that God was telling me I was asking the wrong question.
The special needs parenting journey can be exhausting, full of loneliness, challenges, and struggles. It can be easy to focus on how hard things are. But I find the whole month of November to be the perfect time to reflect on the things that I am thankful for. Once I get started thinking this way, I realize there really are a lot of things to be thankful for.
Our childrens’ diagnoses and challenges bring grief, anger, bitterness, and/or sadness into our lives. Grief is natural, healthy, and necessary. Even Jesus wept. But we are not made to get stuck in a place of grief and bitterness. Even Ruth didn’t see the whole picture. We have to keep persevering like Ruth did.
In a Bible story, four men experienced a similar trial, but they weren’t alone. They could each relate to the physical, emotional and spiritual pain the others were experiencing; they found each other for support. They understood each other better than anyone else could.
When I felt I was at my absolute breaking point, God whispered one word that broke the silence and banished the anxiety and grief that had gripped my heart for so long. Then God revealed area after area of my life that I needed to embrace. I I was convicted, but encouraged, and I knew I was loved by the God of the universe.