When I heard my friend Marcia make this statement, it grabbed my attention: “Choose the pain that heals.” Pain is inevitable; how we respond to it is our choice. We need discernment in making such an important decision. Which pain do I let go of or hold onto and learn from?
Pain comes in many forms—physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. In focusing on emotional pain, these questions may be helpful: What do you do with nasty hurt in your heart that feels like physical pain? Deny it? Medicate it? Or, acknowledge it and explore meaningful conclusions?
Emotional pain sometimes feels like the hardest. Oftentimes, there are many strings attached to our pain- strings of feeling unworthy, incapable, inadequate, unwanted, rejected and the list goes on. Left unattended, emotional pain cripples and paralyzes our ability to function. We could find ourselves balled up in a fetal position or doubled over with pain in the gut.
You may ask, “What is involved in acknowledging my pain and seeking help?” First, look at the pain and call it what it is, pain. Sometimes—because we want to save face—we won’t acknowledge what is really going on deep within our souls. This can be dangerous and can lead to destructive behavior towards ourselves or others.
Second, if possible, acknowledge the source or root of your pain. Is it something? Is it someone?Third, deal with the source. Dealing with the source starts with allowing ourselves to come face to face with that root. Acknowledging the source may be the hardest part. We must accept the reality that someone or something we cherish or are attached to is hurting us. You may wonder, “How did I get here?”
Fourth, move forward in taking better care of your heart. I recently had a conversation with a friend who tends to let others take advantage of her. I’ve been there and know what that feels like. I told her that I had finally learned how to guard my heart and my joy.
Two scriptures that have been with me for a long time are Proverbs 4:23 and Nehemiah 8:10. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” For some, “guarding your heart” may seem cold or uncaring, when the opposite is true. In guarding our hearts, we decide what can or cannot enter! As we protect and nourish our hearts, we are better equipped to offer shelter and comfort for someone else.
In Nehemiah 8:10, Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” In addition to guarding my heart, I also guard my joy. Joy can be difficult to define, but you know when you have it. Joy isn’t built around circumstances; it flows from an intimate relationship with Jesus.
I remember several years ago having a conversation with my Aunt Florrie. Towards the end of the conversation, she said, “The joy of the Lord is my strength; if I allow anyone to steal my joy, they steal my strength, and I can’t allow that to happen.” Aunt Florrie’s words will remain with me the rest of my life. I took them to heart that day!
In guarding our heart and joy, we are better positioned to choose the pain that heals. We then have more clarity with what is happening to us and necessary steps to take. What hard conversations do you need to have? Who do you need to cut out or diminish from involvement in your life? What habits do you need to break? What destructive emotions do you need to let go?
Choosing pain that heals enables us to move forward in our soul care. Pain can run so deeply sometimes that it seems easier to deny. Having someone walk with us through it may be helpful. This can be tricky, because we need just the right person to help. If we don’t secure the right person, more pain could occur. Choosing someone like-minded and capable of pointing us to Jesus could be just what we need. Choosing a person who has worked through what we are facing may also be helpful. And if necessary, seek professional help. It is okay to get help!
The Holy Spirit is able to bring life out of pain. He enables us to make choices that give life to our hearts. He also gives us wisdom in who should be an integral part of our lives. How can you draw upon Him in order to experience vibrant life in Christ? Who or what else contributes to your joy and strength? Be attentive to who or what you allow to influence your life.
Remember, pain is inevitable, but the response is our choice. Choose the pain that heals.
Skip McDonald is an author, speaker, nurse and resource specialist for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship—a college campus ministry. Skip has a passion for wholistic living in body, soul and spirit. She champions mental and emotional health, notably in the faith community. As a psychiatric nurse and Mental Health First Aid Instructor, she brings a wealth of experience. She is currently writing several mental health Bible studies, looking at Scripture through the lens of mental and emotional health. She is the founder of Integrative Grace, LLC, a discipleship ministry and Freedomsize Worship Fitness, LLC.
Skip is the author of “Christ, My Life-The Great Exchange,” “The Garden of My Heart” and “And She Lived Happily Ever After.” She resides in Smyrna, GA serving with InterVarsity in the southeast. She can be contacted through skipmcdonald.org.
