“How are you?” How many times have we heard this recently, usually over the phone or by text? It’s so hard to answer!
“Yes, we’re fine. We are well, we don’t have the virus, we have food, and we have medication.“
BUT, and a BIG BUT—sometimes I feel like screaming! I am despairing being on my own with a husband with dementia. I miss my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my church family. I get impatient, stressed and lose hope.
I decided I would say that I was unable to write a blog this month because I had no help to offer, but God showed me He wanted me to share. I love the Psalms. They are full of honesty as well as trust and hope.
This morning I read Psalm 77. The first few verses were how I felt in the middle of last night:
“I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord:
At night I stretched out untiring hands
And my soul refused to be comforted” (verses 1-2).
I felt so angry with the situation. I felt so angry with God for allowing the dementia. I felt so angry that He hadn’t healed. I felt so angry with my husband for not trying harder. I felt so angry with myself for not being more patient.
The Psalmist started questioning God:
“Will God reject me for ever?
Will he never show favor again?
Has His unfailing love vanished for ever?
Has His promise failed for all time?” (verses 7-8).
I too was questioning God. Why aren’t you helping? Why are you allowing this to happen? Why are you doing this? I even thought that He might be angry and punishing me?
Photo credit: Laurentiu Lordache on Lightstock.com.
As the psalmist questions: “Has He in His anger withheld His compassion?” (verse 9).
I basically was having a temper tantrum, but I was also scared and grieving, but God understood. He not only allowed me to tell Him how I felt, He also welcomed me as His precious child and wanted me to be honest with Him.
He knows my tears, those I have shed and those that I can’t express. He knows my fears and my anger. He knows my stress and my failures. He knows me. And He loves me, unconditionally.
The Psalmist does not stay in this place, though. He goes on to remember what God has done in the past.
“I will remember the deeds of the Lord” (verse 11).
God has been faithful throughout my life. He has always been there. He has never let me down, even through the difficult times. This morning I remembered what He had done for me in the past. I remembered what He did for people in the Bible. I remembered His promises of being with us when we go through the valleys. He is our shepherd. There is hope for the future. “You led your people like a flock” (verse 20.)
What has helped?
• Knowing that God understands
• Knowing God forgives
• Knowing that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23)
• Knowing that there is no condemnation (Romans 8: 1)
• Knowing that He is always with me
• Knowing He offers me hope.
We also need each other. I have been so supported in this time through prayer, texts, my church home group, a WhatsApp group, our church pastoral team, my family and friends. Even when we are physically alone, we are all learning to be community. We are learning to love each other, and give time to each other.
Sometimes people feel awkward and don’t know what to say in the face of someone else’s grief or difficulties. Sometimes we think that if we cannot fix something, we have nothing to give. Sometimes people back away if they do not know what to do or say. Sometimes people leave it to the professionals. They think the pastor or the doctor will be the best person to help and they leave it to them.
We all need professional help at times but we also need each other. We all have a part to play. An understanding ear, an encouraging word, an offer of prayer and a phone call can make a big difference, even if it does not change the situation.
Many of us have only recently realized how difficult it is to be isolated. We are having a taste of what some people are experiencing on a daily basis. This recent experience should give us a better understanding of those who are housebound or find it difficult to go out.
We have realized throughout this period of social isolation and lock down what we can do to support each other. We have used our phones and other technology to keep in contact with each other. We have used creative ways to communicate. Let us learn from this. Let us continue to communicate with those who will remain isolated after the virus has gone.
When this pandemic is over, we should not be getting back to normal. We need to rethink our communities, churches, families and friendship groups. We need to find ways to include those who feel isolated. Many who are old, have disabled children, are mentally ill, are looking after family members or feel vulnerable, can all feel alone and isolated. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor as ourselves. We have learned what we need when isolated. We need to provide for those who remain isolated when life returns to normal.
Sue Sutton has nearly 50 years of experience working with people with learning disabilities. She has developed training programs for people working with a variety of learning disabilities and mental health issues. Sue is the author of “Living Fulfilled Lives: Empowering People With Learning Disabilities.” Connect with her on Facebook.
