Ten years ago, mental illness was something that was strongly stigmatized in culture and rarely discussed within the Church. Having previously worked in youth ministry, kept up with youth ministry practices, and now working with youth and families in a counseling center, I’ve seen that teenagers have been more informed and open to discussing mental health than adults. This can lead to misinformation or a disconnect between youth with their parents and other adult leaders.
I believe Christian parents and church leaders have a responsibility to educate youth in many areas of life, not to hide and protect them, but to empower and equip them as they grow. One area where kids need equipping should be mental health. Here are seven tips on how to talk with kids about mental illness.
1. Don't wait. As stated above, teenagers are already talking about mental health. Many schools are implementing mental health and substance misuse courses, have school counselors leading short-term groups that students are encouraged to try out, and assemblies with mental health speakers. Beyond that, teenagers are willing to talk to each other about the hurt, anger, and misgivings in their lives, as well as try to figure out why they experience the world differently than others. They may be missing your voice.
2. Educate yourself and them. There are a variety of resources to educate yourself about mental health with regards to faith, some of the resources are youth-focused. Here are a few:
Church Mental Health Awareness Cards. Designed to be put in churches to educate congregations, these cards incorporate scripture and faith while also describing several mental health disorders.
Troubled Minds. This book not only looks at what is actually happening with mental health and the Church's response, but also shares the author's lived experience as a child of a parent who has a mental illness.
Sharing Love Abundantly In Special Needs Families. From the five love languages, this book can be helpful when raising children with disabilities.
The Youth Worker’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis. A book every youth pastor and youth ministry volunteer should have on their bookcase; at least give this book a casual read through before you need it in a crisis.
Photo credit: churchandmentalhealth.com.
3. Don't sugar coat it, don't be explicit. When sharing information, age is important, but I don't think we need to put a Christian label on what we see with mental illness. If you are going to talk about depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, don't muddy the waters by labeling it as 'broken' or 'we all struggle.' There are ways to normalize that we all have stress and sadness, and you absolutely should incorporate faith, but then talk about the difference for some people who go beyond sadness and into depression. For teenagers, have the tough talks about suicide because teenagers are thinking about it, and unfortunately some have successfully completed it. For younger audiences, you may need to wait to talk about suicide, but do not hide from it.
4. Separate the person from the problem. A wise counselor might say, “You struggle with schizophrenia,” rather than “You’re a schizophrenic.” Don’t define the person by the problem. Their identity should always be above the issues. Labels are damaging and I see it often where my clients will actually stop trying to accomplish things, because of how other people have labeled them. Nothing fires me up more than when family members label relatives with developmental delays and mental illness as "your handicapped cousin" or "depressed aunt." These people are my relatives first, and only after that do I see the struggles they have, just as Jesus sees us.
5. Don't add to the stigma. Avoid words like "those people," "crazy," "you just don't care," or other language that is actually causing a disconnect. This also includes Christian solutions like "you should pray more," "Jesus can heal you," "you are under spiritual attack from the devil," "maybe you should memorize some Scripture verses," or "your faith is being strengthened through this trial." This isn't to say that people are not under spiritual attacks or that Jesus cannot heal. Check out more ways to use words that matter with mental health to minimize stigma.
6. Talk about crises, exposing kids to how you handle difficult problems. We have already talked about seven ways to supports kids with anxiety during this pandemic, but honestly, you need to be able to educate and train up your children through a variety of problems. Use the struggles you experienced in your life as perfect examples of how to navigate. Of course, the children do not need to know all of the nitty-gritty details; that would be inappropriate. But if your child’s grandmother dies and you are also grieving, share with them how you are handling it. If you have a scary car wreck, share what you are feeling and how you are going to manage and resolve these feelings. One of the biggest ways I have been able to learn how to handle and share about struggles was by going to numerous funerals that my father led as a pastor. I was able to see over and over how people grieved, and then have conversations with my father afterward about what is healthy and what is right.
7. Let them know there is always help. This starts and ends with God through prayer, worship, and Scripture. If your church is equipped to address mental health issues, help should include a mental health ministry, youth leaders, available pastors, and yourselves. Beyond that, there are crisis services locally and nationally (Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK) and counseling. If you do not know where or how to find a counselor, specifically a Christian counselor, check out our resource here.
There are certainly a lot more things you can do beyond this list. Any tips that we missed that you feel we should add? Share in the comments other advice you have heard, things we didn't answer that you want to know about, or resources or approaches you have used that were successful.
Jeremy Smith is a clinical mental health counselor in Ohio and founder of www.churchandmentalhealth.com.
