A couple of weeks ago, I shared a word of encouragement in a blog for caregivers who need to feel valued and competent:
“Whether or not the people in your world effectively tell you so, you are highly valued. You are an essential worker… Personally, I appreciate knowing my efforts are valued and that my sacrifices are respected. Since (my daughter) Carly is non-verbal, I’m delighted by her hugs and smiles. On some rare occasions, she will even clap in appreciation for a meal I prepared or because she likes how I brushed her teeth. Most of the time, however, the burden for keeping me bolstered with encouragement falls on other family members.”
I don’t think we need to be caregivers to resonate with this statement or appreciate the guilt that comes from feeling too needy. Most people these days are feeling some degree of weariness from trying to keep themselves and each other bolstered and refreshed.
It’s not unbiblical to have these needs. God wonderfully and uniquely designed each of us with a body, mind and spirit (Psalm 139:13-14). Strong emotional ties are accomplished by sharing feelings of love, appreciation and affirmation.
We can learn from the example in the New Testament letters. These apostles not only prayed for God’s people but also told them so through encouraging words (Ephesians 1:15–23, Philippians 1:3–11, 1 Thessalonians 1:3, 2 Timothy 1:3, Philemon 1:4–7, 3 John 2). The Apostle Paul found great encouragement from others. In Romans 1:12, he wrote, “When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.”
The problems come when we rely too heavily on others to keep us feeling affirmed. That weakness can lead us into sin if we start trying to get the need met in ungodly or unhealthy ways. God insists on being our first love. But He doesn’t deny us meaningful touch-points with other humans.
Caregivers and families impacted by disability are finding themselves most profoundly moved by the simple things these days. At least a half dozen times in the last month I’ve heard from people who have felt profoundly cared for by receiving a hand-written letter in the mail, with a word of encouragement and prayer.
Photo credit: Debby Hudson on Unsplash.com.
The truth is that being a whole year into pandemic-era ministry has most ministry leaders feeling pressure to carry out programs with great creativity and stretched beyond thin by shrinking resources. In survival mode, there is risk of getting so caught up in adjusting programs and adapting ministry models that we miss the most straightforward opportunities in front of us.
“I’ve been wondering what ministry would look and feel like if we all just took a giant step back. I don’t mean back to 2019. I mean back to the days of pie socials, potlucks, card clubs and barn raisings. People didn’t take weeks and months to plan for those. Their lifestyle, as a church, was to have a casserole ready if someone got sick or a funeral was pending. They got the chicken fried, pie baked and Jell-O molded so they could head right over to Betty and Bob’s for a church picnic or potluck lunch after services.”
There is something worth recapturing in the beautiful simplicity of those gestures.
The church has plenty of outdated and unbiblical baggage when it comes to the way disability ministry was done in the past. So I’m certainly not suggesting that all progress is bad. But there are some treasures in the “old school” ways of enjoying fellowship that could benefit everyone.
Jesus says his yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 paraphrased). Are we prioritizing the most valued areas of focus for our ministries? Are we carrying our callings in the way Jesus would have us carry them? Could it be that the enemy is getting us so caught up in minutia and COVID-fatigue that we’re missing very ripe opportunities for emotional and spiritual connectedness?
Has “survival mode” distracted us from what matters most—simply relationships?
Special needs parents, aging caregivers, friends with disabilities and people struggling with mental health concerns are not talking about the programs their church is offering. They appreciate those programs but the programs themselves are not the highlight. They are talking about the value of authentic conversation and simple touch-points. They are appreciating the personal connections and sense of feeling highly valued.
These are some examples of touchpoint experiences I’ve heard highlighted in recent months:
Virtual Lobby (Zoom meetings created for online participants to enjoy before and after services)
Pop-Up Pizza Party (a surprise meal pack delivered to a family’s door just before the online service they are watching draws to a close)
Doorstep Visit (a quick and personal “hello,” a quick drop-off of grocery essentials, an hour of student tutoring, someone at the living room windowsill willing to listen and encourage young “Sally” while she practices her piano lesson)
Care Package of Fresh-Baked Muffins/Cookies
Puzzle Exchange
Connection Dinner on Zoom
Game Night on Zoom
Community Stories (interviews, testimonies and Glory Stories recorded on a smart phone or Zoom, then edited for sharing in church)
Community Groups/Life Groups/Support Groups (virtual, socially distanced, outdoor, around a bonfire)
Hand-written Note of Encouragement
Postcard Prayer
Gift Card.
The most meaningful touch-points are often those that are carried out spontaneously or with very little pre-planning. Many were initiated as one-time efforts and emerged later as regular activities. They became routine connection points only after people realized how dramatically fueling those activities were for their souls!
Our intentionality about spontaneous expressions of caring may be the most powerful ways we minister to a family with special needs.
Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.
