Life is a juggling act, and sometimes I have too many balls in the air. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, one or more of the balls drop. Brace yourself—there will be a lot of references to juggling in this post.
I get asked about twice a month—how do you do it all? You see, I am a Christ follower, a wife, a mother of two children with special needs, a friend, a pastor, a caregiver for other disabled family members, an author, a public speaker, and a person just like everyone else. I get asked how I balance it all and how I manage to keep all the balls in the air. The answer is, to put it simply, I do not.
Photo by Juliana Romão on Unsplash
I do not keep all the balls in the air.
You see, on a week where I am an incredible mother and wife, cooking all the favorite meals, taking my boys on adventures, and being there every night to tuck them in, I am less active and present at the church. On a week when I go to a conference to teach about special needs ministry, I can’t be there for a family member or Bible time with my boys. On a busy week at the church where I am working many hours to prepare for an event, one of my friends cries out for help, and I miss it.
When composing an article, I am not spending time with my husband. When taking the rare me-time, the many things on my list are still waiting to be completed. When I am spending time in God’s word, there are often unwashed dishes in my sink—for everything I do, there are dozens of other things that are not being done.
When one ball is flying through the air in a perfect arch, I must duck to grab the one I missed, and sometimes, those balls hit the ground. Sometimes even after much effort to not drop the balls, I fail.
Now you can criticize me and tell me I have too many balls, that I should stop doing so much. You may not be wrong, but I am not doing anything I am not 100% certain God has for me. What I find to be true is that I must decide which balls to drop when needed and then pick back up when able. Because eventually, one of the balls will fall. Do you ever feel like you have too many balls in the air and cannot keep juggling them?
I want to share with you a little bit of wisdom from a lifetime of learning boundaries. I am still not the best at setting boundaries, but for us caregivers, that is a common trait.
Decide early which balls can fall.
I have not drafted an article like this in two months. Major life events were happening that needed my attention, so as near and dear as this ministry is to my heart, I let the ball drop.
Recently, my family returned home from an emergent trip and our house sitter did not do the best job keeping our house clean. So when I returned home, I had to focus all my attention on cleaning up, so our house was in working order. Because of this and my family's great need to reestablish a routine, I have not showered in four days. I let that ball fall. I cooked, cleaned, did minimal ministry work, and let my self-care ball drop.
Some balls are breakable, and some are not. Do you know what happens if I skip my shower? I smell a little off on day three. My hair gets a little greasy. Nothing eternal is affected. What would happen if your kids had cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? They would be fed and a little tired of cereal.
Identify which balls you can let fall so the breakable ones, like relationships with your spouse and kids, growing your faith, and even your mental health, do not fall.
Set up attainable boundaries and then enforce them.
Be willing to say no because you cannot say yes to everything.
Maybe your friend needs help moving, but your child has a soccer game—say no. Maybe you have been asked to serve in church for the fourth Sunday in a row—say no. Maybe your family wants you to come over when you need alone time—say no. The next point is an extension of this one.
Be willing to offer doable alternatives.
All your friends want to go out for a girl’s night, but you do not have the mental energy? Perhaps offer a night in instead. Tell the church nursery that you want to say yes to serving, but can only serve one Sunday a month. Your spouse wants to stay up late for a movie night, but you know you will never make it through a movie? Suggest another day for movie night and settle for ice cream on the couch together before bed! Sometimes the alternatives become the most incredible memories.
Celebrate the balls you have been given.
Reframing the way we talk about things is invaluable. It is not "I have to cook dinner." Instead, it can be "I get to cook dinner." I know that may be overstated, but it is still true. We are told to be thankful in all circumstances, and in every season there is always a reason to choose joy. Reframing your thought process will retrain your brain to be thankful. Be thankful for each ball you have been trusted to keep in the air.
Forgive yourself when one unintentionally falls.
We are all human. Eventually, we will fall short. The good news is when we have Jesus, He can make beauty out of anything and restore even the most broken balls. We must learn from our mistakes and recognize when something is not ours to carry, but when something eventually falls, forgive yourself. I was so busy recently that I completely missed that my friend was struggling. I dismissed the gut feeling that he was in trouble because I had other important things that took priority.
His choices were not my decisions or my responsibility, but forgiving myself for not reaching out has been difficult. The fact is balls are eventually going to fall because we are human. Permit yourself to be human.
You do many incredible things and do well at 90% of them 99% of the time—but you are not God. We can do all things through His strength, but we cannot do them all at the same time. So when the balls start falling, try to see yourself the way Jesus does. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are beloved, you are seen, you are cherished, and you are loved. That is your identity in Christ. And no matter what you drop, your salvation and walk with Christ is one ball that will never fall because we do not have to keep it moving. God does it for us.
Joanna French is the special needs pastor at Flint Hills Church, Junction City, KS. Joanna and her husband Jairmie have two boys with autism. In 2017, Joanna started Flint Hills Embrace, with the goal to make Flint Hills Church a place where everyone belongs. Why? Because we all have a place in God's plan.
