The days after parents hear that their child has a disability or special need can be difficult days. When families receive a diagnosis, most parents go through a mourning process. During this season, parents need an anchor to help steady them. Their church should be that anchor.
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Transcript:
Hi friends! This is Key Ministry: The Podcast, and I'm one of your cohosts, Sandra Peoples. This is episode 14, and today I'm sharing four Supportive Steps to Take When a Family in Your Church Receives a Special Needs Diagnosis.
The days after parents hear that their child has a disability or special need can be difficult days. It may happen in the OB’s office when they notice something on the sonogram. It may be right after giving birth. It may come when the child is a toddler, not hitting typical milestones. It may come when the prospective parents open a child’s file and feel the pull to adopt.
My parent's got my sister's Down syndrome diagnosis at her birth in 1977. They were brand new parents, surprised and confused about the news. We got my son's autism diagnosis after his 3rd birthday. I was finally honest with his pediatrician about some of the delays we saw, but then we got put on a waitlist to get the testing he needed to get a diagnosis. And even though we got the diagnosis we were expecting, it was still hard to process.
When families receive a diagnosis, most parents go through a mourning process. The expectations and dreams they had for their child must die and new ones must take root. Some families are in a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments. Some feel like they are learning a new language of acronyms and medical terms. During this season, parents need an anchor to help steady them. Their church should be that anchor.
All special needs parents, no matter when they get their child’s diagnosis or what that diagnosis is, need support from their church.
If you want to show them how much you care, here are a few tips for the days after the diagnosis and even for the years that follow:
1. If you are a pastor, children’s minister, or small group leader visiting a couple who just had a baby and found out the baby has a disability, first rejoice with them for the life of the child God has given them. This is not the time to offer trite phrases or unbiblical promises. Don't say "God won't give you more than you can handle." If you're nervous about what to say, keep it simple and be ready to listen. Remind them of the hope we have in Christ and point them to the truth of Scripture. Assure them that the church will love and accept their child every day of that child’s life and that you will be an advocate for them.
2. Help meet immediate, practical needs. Do they need meals, help with things around the house (like mowing the lawn), or rides to church for the other kids in the family? Think of ways the church can offer real help to these families who are adjusting to a new normal. I also encourage those offering help not to say, “Let us know if you need anything.” Parents are experiencing decision fatigue and may not be able to communicate what they need. It’s easier on them if you offer what you can and let them respond with “yes” or “no.” Say something like, “I’m picking up pizza for our dinner on Tuesday. Can I order an extra for you and drop it off at 5:30?”
3. Pray for the family and pray over them. After our son’s autism diagnosis, only one person prayed out loud over me, and she was a visitor to the Sunday school class I taught. Many said they were praying for us, which was helpful, but it was even more moving to hear words spoken to our Father on our behalf. If you can't be with them in person to pray, write a card or send a text with a prayer included. Give them something to read again in their hardest moments.
4. Make plans to accommodate the needs of the child to the best of the church’s ability and pray for the resources to do so. Most children with disabilities need some accommodations to be fully included in church activities. Be willing to learn what they will need as the child grows. If you need help, Key Ministry provides free consultations and has lots of resources. Check out keyministry.org to get started.
Having a child with special needs changes everything.
Relationships and routines that used to be easy take extra work—for the family directly impacted by the diagnosis and for the friends, families, and churches supporting that family. But showing the love of Christ when a family needs it the most is the role of the church family. That love can be an anchor for them during the first challenging days and for the decades to come.
I hope these four steps were helpful! I'm so thankful for those who were there for us when James was diagnosed with autism. We tried to learn from that experience so we could minister to others in similar circumstances. As Scripture says, we comfort others with the comfort we receive. The Holy Spirit is with us as we sit with others in their confusion and grief, and He provides us with words of hope to share.
Thanks for taking the time to listen today and hopefully get some ideas you can put into practice. It would be awesome if you'd take one more minute to rate our podcast and leave a review! This is a big help to others who wonder if this podcast is right for them! We'll meet you back here next week for another episode of Key Ministry: The Podcast
