Practicing gratitude in hard seasons can be, well, hard.
That less-than-astounding conclusion seems obvious, but I don't think about such things when life is good. Only when challenges slap me upside the head do I return to practicing gratitude in hard seasons.
Such has been the case this November, a month that catches me by surprise every single year.
One minute the trees are a blaze of color as I get ready for Halloween trick-or-treaters. The next minute the trees are bare and I’m scrambling to put together a grocery list for our Thanksgiving feast.
This year the surprise was particularly jarring because of the hard season I've already alluded to. Word came in early October that my uncle––who supported my father throughout his struggle with multiple sclerosis and was a constant presence in my childhood––had entered hospice care. A few weeks later, he was gone. I was in bed with a pinched nerve when the news of his death arrived. The realization that I couldn’t attend his funeral and honor his life crushed my soul.
@kiendo from UnSplash
I was about to tumble into a pit of depression—a condition that has rarely reared its ugly head in my life—when God brought to mind a practice my husband and I first used decades ago while caring for our son with special needs. More recently, it proved useful while caring for my mother during her final years of life.
It’s an easy practice yet powerful, though it requires intentionality to reap its full benefits. So what exactly have I been doing to keep from tumbling into that nasty pit?
Every day I have been practicing daily gratitude in a hard season. Finding reasons to be thankful instead of wallowing in the hard bits took some getting used to. But eventually I got the hang of it and ended up with a long list. Here's a pared down version of what I'm grateful for:
The childhood adventures my uncle and aunt arranged for our families.
The letters my uncle sent through the decades.
My forethought in saving those letters so I can reread and hear his voice though he's now gone.
My brother calling the day after the funeral to tell me all about it.
My sister sending pictures of the graveside service shortly after it was over.
The prednisone and physical therapy exercises that have resulted in steady healing and pain reduction day after day.
My doctor’s advice to take it easy, which means more time to revise the See Jane Dig! manuscript, a task that was already on the docket for November.
Many of us in the disability and caregiving community experience hard seasons more often than not. If you're in such a season this holiday, I encourage you to give this practice a try. From experience I've learned that one key to ensure success is to start small. For example:
Today, simply be grateful for your desire to be grateful.
Tomorrow, be grateful for your desire to find a reason to be grateful.
The next day be grateful for a small thing.
The day after that, be grateful for something a tiny bit bigger, and so on and so on and so on.
I'm a big promoter of starting small for two reasons. First, it's the heart of my favorite Bible verse, Zechariah 4:10 which says, "For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice..." (ESV). Second, it's one of the principles for navigating life developed by Kendra Ad which I love.
If life events and the holiday season have brought you close to the pit of despair, give this practice a try. Remember the two keys that increase your chances of success are being intentional and starting small.
Both are helping me in this season of healing emotionally and physically. I hope they help you, too.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023.
