It's here again.
The anniversary of the day my world turned upside down.
The birthday of our firstborn.
The day my heart swelled with a fierce, intense, permanent love.
The day my heart broke.
The day the doctor said, "There's something wrong with your baby."
That day is here again.
The anniversary of the decision my husband and I made 34 years ago. Would we cling to God when our newborn was life-flighted 750 miles away for surgery? Would we reach out to Him in our sorrow and pain? Or would we let go? By the grace of God, we chose to hang on. By the grace of God, our son lived. He still lives.
For that I am truly grateful.
God has taught me so much about clinging Him in the 34 years since the day our beautiful baby was born. Above all, He's shown me this.
We face this choice as parents every single day of our children's lives.
When we learn the surgery didn't fix everything and more surgery is needed. When we ride in the ambulance beside our children and wonder if we'll get there in time. When we watch the gurney holding our children disappear down a long hallway.
Will we cling to God?
When our children don't progress as they should. When diagnosis follows diagnosis. When the treatments don't work. When our children cry out in pain. When they stop eating. When they scream at the sight of a needle. When they beg us to make it stop.
Will we cling to God?
When we can't pay the hospital. When the schools calls to say our kids are out of control. When the in-home care nurse quits without notice. When we're so sleep-deprived, we fall asleep while standing in the grocery line. When the insurance denies our claims. Again.
Will we cling to God?
When our children grow and thrive and reach maturity. When they make wrong decisions. When they question their faith. When they reject our values. When they turn away from Jesus. When they push us away.
Will we cling to God?
When the doctors say there's nothing they can do. When our hearts break. When we have to say good-bye to our children too soon. When we plan funerals for our babies, our toddlers, our children, our teens, our adult children.
Will we cling to God?
One truth gives us power to reach out to God when everything within begs us to let go.
God knows.
God the Father knows every parents' pain. He has experienced our anguish, our sorrow, our brokenness. He weeps when we weep. He bears our sorrows.
He gives us power to cling to Him every single day.
And in the moments when we are too weak to cling to Him, when we cry out in fear as our hands slip away, He wraps His nail-pierced hands around ours and holds us tight. Every single day and for eternity.
For God who did not spare His own Son,
how will He not with Him freely give us all things?
Romans 8:32
Jolene is a leading authority on PTSD. You can check out her latest book, Does My Child Have PTSD?: What to Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out, to learn more and get help.
