Pumpkin pie, turkey, football, stuffing, twinkling lights, snowflakes swirling down, pies, family gatherings, gifts around a tree, and cookie decorating. The holidays. They inspire a feeling of cozy warmth, celebration, and cherished memories. Until they don’t. Until thinking of those memories breaks your heart in pieces because life has changed. You now have a child with special needs or disability that has changed everything.
When our son was young and allergic to most foods, highly sensory sensitive, nonverbal, autistic and more, the holidays rolled around and that meant no pie, no cookies, no stuffing, no Grandma’s special bread rolls, no gravy, no family gatherings. Too much noise, too much chaos and stimulation, too much change, too great of a chance for food reactions. Too much of some things, yet nothing of the desired things.
Our first Christmas with him was miserable. We were 1100 miles away from family, and because of our son’s needs and our financial constraints, we didn’t even try to go home for the holidays. We decided we needed to make our own Christmas traditions since we couldn’t be with family.
In our family, we do birthday desserts since my husband detests cake. With Christmas being Jesus’ birthday, our first new tradition was to have a birthday dessert with candles and sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus after our Christmas meal.
I made a cherry pie—my husband’s favorite—with all special ingredients that we could eat on our son’s special diet, which I had to strictly abide by since he was nursing. It took me hours to find a recipe that met the requirements; special diets were rare at that time. I had to special-order some ingredients, and spent an hour or more making it. We were so excited about this pie. It was the pinnacle to our somewhat sorry Christmas meal. With great anticipation we served it and took our first bite—yuck! It was awful. We trashed the rest of the pie.
Holidays can be a very difficult time for families with kids with special needs. Many of the traditions and family gatherings they used to enjoy, they can’t anymore. It can be an especially hard and lonely time, as the difficulties that come with special needs are magnified.
Our first attempt was a sorry start to new holiday traditions. However, we persisted. Eleven years later, we have some new special Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions.
If you find yourself in the place we were eleven years ago, think about starting some of your own traditions that fit your family’s needs. Here are a couple of ours to get your thinking started:
We made our own specialty diet-approved Thanksgiving menu.
We have a Thankfulness Pumpkin. Each morning of November, we each say one thing we are thankful for and write it on the pumpkin with a Sharpie.
We have a Christmas moose—like the famous elf—who hides every night in December, and on rare occasions finds himself precarious spots. We don’t do elaborate scenes, it’s more of a “hide and seek.” The boys love searching for him every morning. On Christmas morning, he is always kneeling with Mary, Joseph and the camels in the nativity.
Every Christmas Eve, we have a pajama party and watch Elf. Often we open one gift beforehand, which happens to be new pajamas.
When we aren’t with extended family, we make Jesus a birthday dessert and sing him “Happy Birthday.” The dessert is never cherry pie.
If you are in a tough season of not being able to participate in holiday celebrations like you used to, I hope you are able to create some new traditions that fit your family’s needs perfectly!
Sarah McGuire is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook and check out Hope Anew’s Online Community at www.HopeAnew.com!
