Seasons help us to realize we’re not alone. We might still feel alone but we can see things differently and then change our thinking, and even our responses. We know everyone goes through “stuff” but sometimes we need to recognize it just happens to be our turn. The harder part is that we still have someone we are caring for full time, 24/7 added to the new hard stuff!
For families like mine, with an autistic child and my own ADHD and anxiety, Christmas is rarely “calm” or “bright.” In fact, it is often loud, noisy, and overwhelming. Our children get overwhelmed by the lights and the new items. We, as parents, get overwhelmed by all the mess and noise. There are so many sensory inputs flowing through that you feel like you are in a never-ending vacuum of noise. And, that doesn’t even take into account that I’m operating on just a few hours of sleep after leading multiple Christmas services as a pastor.
Ruth saw a bright future for herself. She didn’t have an exact plan in front of her. But at 18, she vaguely knew what she wanted in the future: a master’s degree, a husband, a job she enjoyed, and children. Emma was on another path altogether. When Emma turned 18, she was already enrolled in a school for students with more significant disabilities.
Zechariah, despite being visited by an angel, doubted what he had been told, and so Gabriel told him that because of this doubt, Zechariah would not be able to speak until his son was born. So, he became unable to speak, and therefore unable to communicate through speech. What did he do? And what does his story teach us about people who cannot communicate by speech, or choose not to, today?
There were young kids, teens, young adults, even his best friend, all playing together, learning and laughing. But, there was no sign of my child. I searching the parking lot where everyone was talking and hanging out with their families; not there either. Here is where most people panic. But, deep down I knew; look with the younger kids. It was there I found him, rolling down the hill, filled with that bold childhood laughter, having the time of his life. No pressure here. No one asking him to make quick decisions he had to worry about in that football game. There was only freedom and joy. I want him to be something he isn’t sometimes, but I’m learning to start finding the thankful in disability.
In October 2014, I was in the middle of a short period of personal chaos that had created a fair sense of anxiety and fear in me: job loss; my mother experienced an accident that required surgery; my mother-in-law required hospitalization as well. I felt confused and insecure, but did my best to remember I was serving an important purpose in my family’s life. And at Halloween, the purpose to my time at home was finally realized.
Our first Christmas away from home was a gift wrapped in our son's special needs. It was not the first Christmas away from home I would have chosen. But it was the gift we were given. It was and is one of the most valuable, precious gifts we have ever received. If your child's special needs are shaping the holiday into something different than what you expected, take heart.
Holidays can be a very difficult time for families with kids with special needs. Many of the traditions and family gatherings they used to enjoy, they can’t anymore. It can be an especially hard and lonely time, as the difficulties that come with special needs are magnified. Our first attempt was a sorry start to new holiday traditions. However, we persisted. Eleven years later, we have some new special Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions.
