Kingdom Focus is what first comes to mind. Those of us who are married and have someone in our life with special needs for whom we have responsibility (often 24/7 and 365!) know that without focus, we are doomed. AND for those of us who are believers in Jesus, we add to that His Kingdom focus and our part in it.
For us, we have 5 top ways to work on our marriage and keep it strong. There are more, of course, but let’s not get overloaded! First and foremost, we need to be aware of what stage we’re in. Picture your life. Young kids? Big kids? Working? Retired? Etc. Where are you and in what stage are you? ALSO remember that each stage will have its own joys, challenges, of their own. Once you assess yourself review with your spouse the following points and how you will strengthen your marriage in each and consider them with a Kingdom perspective, to help fulfill God’s will. Here they are:
1. Always be ready to say YES to where/what/how God is leading and guiding you.
In Exodus 4:14 God was upset with Moses for not saying “yes” when he was asked several times by God to go to His people. Yet God still worked through Moses and Aaron to accomplish His will. We mention this because sometimes we, too, say “no” a few times. At some point He will either use us or someone else. Why would we want to miss out on this? Say “yes” as you learn to discern His voice and plans to you.
Also, pray together to make some of these discernments together. Discuss what’s on your hearts with each other and with God together. Make plans together and work together. Learn the dance of this life together to strengthen your bond together!
2. Place PEOPLE over PROJECTS.
Consider ordering your priorities in this way: God, spouse, children and grandchildren, work, ministry, (adding friends, hobbies along the way, too!) As you consider what is most important to you individually and in your marriage, you will have greater success and agreement!
Remembering “it’s not all about me” is helpful here. Putting God first (Matt. 6:31-33) and making others more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3-5), helps to keep people more important than projects, and remembering not to make people a project. Watch where people have needs and try to meet them as you pursue His kingdom ways. Be helpful and kind. We know projects are always on a list somewhere, but never forget those around you who need you and who might need to understand the love of Christ as you point them to Him. Projects will get done eventually. Maybe even bring others into projects to involve, love, and care for them. Seek the Lord and He’ll give you the direction.
3. Keep the future in mind. Where do you want to go in the future? How will you get there?
Just like a savings account or a budget, you need to save and invest to accumulate. So many aspects of life are like that. Relationships, giving to the church, time with our children, serving in ministry, are a few. You can’t take the money with you but the relationships you can! As you lead others to the Lord, help them grow, and strengthen them in their foundation, you naturally do the same for yourself. Our roots grow deeper as we invest in others.
Also, as we give away our time, talents (giftings), treasures (money), we keep kingdom focus as to the places it will be used. The more one gives away the more one really has. It’s in the living for today that yield plans for tomorrow. God will clarify your plans if you are determined to be used by Him.
Remember that generosity blesses others. Keeping things all to yourself is selfish. As we grow older, we start to realize all this “stuff” isn’t going with us and start to think about who we can give it to as we minimize. Learning the lesson to give to others in our earlier years is so much more beneficial than waiting until the end when no one wants to hear from us anyway because we didn’t do it all along. Invest now for those good dividends later!
Image from @jovaughnstephens on Unsplash
4. Live Life BIG!
HAVE FUN!
Make life fun!
Plan outings
Play games
Laugh
Play first sometimes (before all the work on your list gets checked off!)
When COVID restricted us from meeting in groups, Cindi proposed to make our mini-van an “ADVENTURE VAN” and made a sign for the back of our car. She would arrange for us as a couple to go to a local park by the lake and enjoy conversation, or she might invite a person or two at a time to go on an adventure with her. They might take a little travel table, coffee and a snack, and go to a nearby apple grove to enjoy the view and conversation. Or now, years later, perhaps one of the grand kids would be in the adventure van with the indoor lights strung and twinkling inside the car. Add a snack and it equals good conversation and memories. The idea is simply to enjoy. Have fun. But you must make it happen!
5. Communicate Well and Often
Be open with each other as you talk. And when the other is talking, listen well. Give each other the opportunity to share things like the calendar events, but also talk about life, dreams, and your future. Volumes have been written about communication, so if you don’t feel like you talk or listen well, pick up a book and learn. It might be a gift that some have, but it is also a skill that can be learned. It is critical to master this in your marriage for it to thrive. Work at it together and learn the dance that works well for you! Perhaps this will help for starters: https://cindiferrini.com/index.php/building-relationships/
There are other ways we can strengthen our marriage, but if we start with these, we will be off to a good start in the new year. We wish you and yours a very Happy New Year of Kingdom Focus in 2025!
A NEW BOOK by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini is being written for Moody Publishing to encourage and equip parents of children with special needs!! Additionally they have written: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey. They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs, have spoken nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at:
www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini
