There are times in all of our lives when the stress level goes up a few notches. Maybe your son is in the hospital. Maybe you’re moving. Maybe your daughter is trying a new medicine and you can’t get the dosage figured out, so she isn’t sleeping and doesn’t want to eat. No matter what the cause, there are times when we have to focus on what’s most important and put everything else on autopilot.
My friend Stephanie is in a season like that. Her teenage son has disabilities and was recently diagnosed with leg cancer. They are in and out of the hospital for chemo and all thoughts of menu planning, laundry folding, and even getting her hair cut are out the window. Most of her days are spent in her son’s hospital room, keeping him as calm and comfortable as possible. But she’s an inspiration to me, reminding me of the most important things to focus on when life is extra stressful. It’s a lesson Martha, friend of Jesus, learned too.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38-42).
What Martha was doing was important—she had a house full of people to feed and care for. Hospitality was vital in that day when people relied on each other and not hotels and restaurants when traveling. But she wasn’t just serving, she was so preoccupied with serving, she forgot why she was serving. She forgot enjoy the people who were visiting, especially Christ. He left the full room of friends to seek her out and remind her not to be anxious or troubled, but to focus on what was most important. That day it was fellowship with Jesus, the good portion.
My friend Stephanie continues to set that example for me as well. She focuses first on Christ and spending time with Him each day in that hospital. Then she moves on to what else is most important, her son and his treatments. Even if you aren’t living in a hospital at the moment, you can learn from her as I have.
Here are other lessons I’ve learned in times of extra stress:
I ask myself, “Can anyone else do this?” and if the answer is yes, I say no. I only do what only I can do. Only I can be a wife to Lee and mom to David and James. But someone else can volunteer to go on a field trip or teach Sunday school for a week. Our favorite pizza place can cook dinner. A friend can pick up your daughter from soccer practice since she’s there anyway. There are even services now that will grocery shop for you and you can either pick it up or have it delivered. There are ways to focus in on what’s most important when you have to.
Allow for help and ask for help. This isn’t my favorite. I like to be seen as competent and having everything under control. But the truth is, none of us do 100% of the time. Right after we moved one time, my grandmother passed away. We had to fly to Oklahoma and leave the boxes behind. I couldn’t make a single decision without dissolving into tears, so one friend asked me to drop my laundry off at her house. I picked it up a few hours later and put it right into our suitcases. I couldn’t have done it without her help, and I didn’t need to try.
Rely on those routines you’ve already established. Wear the same shirt every Monday—you don’t need the stress of deciding what to wear. And lay out the ground beef from the freezer on Tuesday morning because you know you’re having tacos for dinner that night, like always. Rely on autopilot when every decision and obligation feel like too much. (For more help establishing routines, check out my podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver!)
Ed Welch writes in his book, Side by Side (affiliate link), “... weakness—or neediness—is a valuable asset in God’s community. Jesus introduced a new era in which weakness is the new strength. Anything that reminds us that we are dependent on God and other people is a good thing.” In times of high stress, we are reminded of what’s most important—relying on God and others. And those lessons are important to carry with us when life gets back to normal again.
Sandra Peoples is a special-needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as the director of special-needs ministry. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family and the host of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.
This is an excerpt from Sandra’s book, Unexpected Blessings. Click below to learn more.
