I stood in the back of the church near the pastor as we greeted those who were coming in to hear me speak. One came in saying, “I’m still struggling with unforgiveness, Pastor. I just can’t get over what happened.” And then another shared details of her story, “It’s not fair what we experienced as my sister and I grew up. She was teased so relentlessly.” I was thankful for their honesty, but couldn’t help but feel sorry for how they were holding on to hurt from years ago. It reminded me of Namoi in the book of Ruth, who had also experienced huge disappointments in life. Her husband and her two sons had passed away when they lived far from their home. She returned to Bethlehem with much less than she had when she left.
So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”
So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.
Naomi said she was empty, but was she truly? No. She had Ruth. And with Ruth, she would have everything she needed.
Sometimes special-needs parents focus so much on what we’ve lost, we don’t realize all we have gained.
It’s true that special-needs parents are living a life we didn’t sign up for. My parents weren’t expecting to hear “Your daughter has Down syndrome” on the day she was born in 1977. I wasn’t expecting to hear “Your son has autism” ten years ago. And there are times we feel empty. Like Naomi, we may believe that God has dealt bitterly with us. But is that true? As I often remind my teenage son, “Feelings aren’t facts.”
It is normal to grieve a diagnosis for someone you love. It’s natural to cycle through grief as your child doesn’t hit milestones like his or her typical peers. But we can move through the cycles of grief and find hope again. We don’t have to stay stuck in a place of bitterness. We don’t need to hold on to old hurts and fears.
As Tim Keller writes, “Suffering is unbearable if you aren’t certain that God is for you and with you.” And we can be certain! We can pray and ask God to remind us of His love and care for us. We can learn from other special-needs parents who have found hope and live with joy. We can read it in His Word:
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven. Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV)
Friends, cry out to Him in your trouble. Ask Him to lift that burden you don’t need to carry. Be glad in Him! Rest in Him! Remember He has a purpose and a plan for you that includes the challenges you have faced so that you can point others to the hope you have. Don’t let bitterness win.
Sandra Peoples is a special-needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as the director of special-needs ministry. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Familyand the host of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.
If you need more help moving from a place of pain to finding your purpose, check out Sandra’s book, Unexpected Blessings.
