My wife and I were recently talking about the needs of caregivers like us, and it got me thinking. I once served as a volunteer missionary for nearly 2 years and as a missionary, I was willing to do whatever was asked of me. I didn’t question it and simply accomplished whatever was needed to continue God’s work. I fixed toilets, painted walls, watched kids, paid church bills—you get the picture. I often sit in church and listen to the different mission programs, especially short work trips and wonder why? Why do we raise thousands of dollars to send courageous, self-sacrificing individuals to visit far off lands in the name of Jesus when there are so many we neglect in our own communities?
Special needs caregivers are desperate for help—right here, right now, and for way less of a financial investment than it takes to send a youth group overseas. Those same volunteers willing to sacrifice the modern conveniences we are all so used to, are often unwilling to help their neighbor who may even sit next to them in church every Sunday morning. Caregivers are often part of the congregation, but you don’t see them at the special events like picnics, dinners, outings, or celebrations because our child, “the least of these,” won’t make it pleasant.
In our situation, we can’t be part of a small group or go to lunch after church with friends or attend those special events. Our silent screams don’t reach many, mostly because we have accepted that there’s not much anyone can do to help us. Or is there? I served overseas and know many others willing to potentially sacrifice their lives to spread the gospel. Why aren’t these same people helping those in the community, like caregivers, who are desperate for support? I believe it’s fear.
People see my son Lucas, and he scares them. Even my extended family is afraid of him. Afraid of what he might do or how he might react. I get it. My son, who has beaten the odds and not only survived his birth— which the majority of his doctors doubted—but he now thrives. Not like a typical person, but he thrives in his own ways. He can be aggressive, he often screams if something isn’t going his way, he may grab your arm if you try to walk away because he doesn’t want you to go, and here’s the worst part, the scariest of all, wait for it: he still wears diapers and he’s 16!
Nobody likes to change diapers at any age, but the thought of changing a 16 year old boy in diapers: is there anything worse? And as his loving, adopted father, it’s awful! It really is. I have changed a lot of babies’ diapers over the years, but for most, that’s where it ends. They grow out of that stage. For parents of children like Luke, this is something we have to live with forever.
Now, here’s where it might get a little uncomfortable. Families like ours need help. Every once in a while, we need someone to come to our house and stay with our child. He’s really pretty easy. He has very few needs outside of his Ipad and food, and once you learn a little about him, he’s not that scary. Our family is just one example and there are thousands of others out there without a voice. We are screaming inside, but we’re not making a fuss because we haven’t been willing to ask for real help. That needs to change, and the church needs to be at the forefront. We aren’t going to riot and demand help, instead, we have been suffering in our homes, some more desperate than others, in isolation.
Photo credit: Jess Ronne.
Many are willing to go to a foreign country and risk their life. Sleep on a dirt floor? Risk disease? But won’t change my son’s diaper because it’s gross? We, and caregivers everywhere, need our churches to become educated and start helping us where we are. Not just at church. We need the Church to be the hands and feet of that powerful calling we claim as Christianity. Outside of the church walls. It might be time to get our hands dirty. Silent screams are emanating throughout every community in the U.S., so please listen. Many are in desperate need of help.
Now, I’m not one to just complain, I’m a fixer. There are numerous solutions to this problem, but here are a few examples. First, every caregiver is different so we need to get familiar with the specific needs. Caregivers who read this, please give some ideas of how your local church can help you. In our church and many like ours, they have created “life groups” or “small groups” who meet at designated times throughout the week. They meet at homes or restaurants or parks. They are creating intimate connections with like-minded people and helping to add to their fold. Maybe we could use these groups to become a support system for special needs families.
The church loves to adopt families at Christmas or purchase goats and chickens for those starving in foreign lands, so why can’t we reach those families closest to us, our neighbors? Each small group could have a designated family and could begin by asking what their needs are, and collectively be the hands and feet we are called to be. Maybe it’s bringing them dinner once a month, or watching their kids for a few hours as a group to give them a break. Bring “church” to them right where they are. Keep in mind, most of these families will probably turn help down, but don’t let that stop you.
We’re used to hearing empty promises of help, with no follow through. We receive many “we’ll be praying for you” and “bless your hearts”. Those are often cop-outs for people who are unwilling to step out in faith and really do something. I am guilty of the same behaviors. We all are! I’m sure church leaders are reading this and have a plethora of questions. Good! You should have questions! Yes, as a church, you will need to become educated on how to move forward. Yes, you will probably need to create some sort of waiver. Yes, you may have to purchase materials. But don’t forget, this is an isolated, desperate group of people in dire need of help, hope, encouragement and selfless love. This demographic, this mission field, is growing at alarming rates in our country, and the needs will be endless. Church, step up. Our government may be forced to help, but let’s lead the way. Let’s remind our country, our neighbors, and the least of these that we care, even if they aren’t members of our congregation. Can they count on us?
Ryan Ronne is a husband, dad of 8, house flipper, and missionary/advocate for special needs families. He is seldom on social media but his wife, Jess Ronne makes up for his lack of involvement. If you want to know more about their family, visit jessplusthemess.com or thelucasproject.org
