When God redeemed my worst Christmas ever by using it for good, it came as a big surprise. Most likely because 1982 was the year of my worst Christmas ever, and the using it for good part didn’t come along until December of 2024. 42 years is a long time, which explains my surprise.
Seasons help us to realize we’re not alone. We might still feel alone but we can see things differently and then change our thinking, and even our responses. We know everyone goes through “stuff” but sometimes we need to recognize it just happens to be our turn. The harder part is that we still have someone we are caring for full time, 24/7 added to the new hard stuff!
For families like mine, with an autistic child and my own ADHD and anxiety, Christmas is rarely “calm” or “bright.” In fact, it is often loud, noisy, and overwhelming. Our children get overwhelmed by the lights and the new items. We, as parents, get overwhelmed by all the mess and noise. There are so many sensory inputs flowing through that you feel like you are in a never-ending vacuum of noise. And, that doesn’t even take into account that I’m operating on just a few hours of sleep after leading multiple Christmas services as a pastor.
Ruth saw a bright future for herself. She didn’t have an exact plan in front of her. But at 18, she vaguely knew what she wanted in the future: a master’s degree, a husband, a job she enjoyed, and children. Emma was on another path altogether. When Emma turned 18, she was already enrolled in a school for students with more significant disabilities.
Zechariah, despite being visited by an angel, doubted what he had been told, and so Gabriel told him that because of this doubt, Zechariah would not be able to speak until his son was born. So, he became unable to speak, and therefore unable to communicate through speech. What did he do? And what does his story teach us about people who cannot communicate by speech, or choose not to, today?
The world might seem to have a lot to offer, but as it applies to the caring of a child or loved one with special needs, it offers us things that won’t make us happy and won’t deliver what we need. The world will always lack authenticity and the act of serving will not be very high on the rung of the ladder, by world standards.
When we care for our child(ren) with special needs, it’s self-sacrificing. It is more than a “job” as some might say, it is an undertaking (as one of my friends shared so succinctly with me). Yet some of us have a different level and depth of care. Although our son needs 24/7 attention and care, he can do a good number of things on his own. Cindi Ferrini shares the difference between Self-less and Selfless.
What DO you do when a child works harder to escape a room than he does work the puzzles at the table? How can you possibly know where the boundaries should be with a child who inherently has none? Where is the line between nurturing and structure? While there aren’t clear answers to these questions, there IS clear theology about our family’s place in the Body of Christ. Sherri Wirt writes a short devotional for special needs parents that feel they don’t fit at church.
Over the years, I have been through multiple seasons of planting and harvesting skills with my daughter. My daughter is now entering adulthood with disabilities. There are still skills that she needs to develop to make her life easier. The learning does not stop as she ages, however, the pressure I put on myself all of those years is gone. I don’t need to fix issues. I simply need to support her through them. Evana Sandusky writes on her daughter’s growth through the years and likens it to planting seeds and yielding the harvest.
