One of the promises we hold on to as followers of Christ is that God has a real and specific plan for our lives. As parents of children with special needs, we, of course, believe that promise extends to our children as well. I have certainly believed that for my son, Myles.
Surprisingly, as I was writing about my belief that God had a plan for Myles’ life, God convicted me. He challenged how much I believed it. What would my and my husband’s actions tell us? Were we believing God for His plan for our son, or were we expecting Him to help with ours? Had we given God’s plans for Myles as much consideration as we’d given His plans for our daughters? Were we open to the possibility that His plans might be different from what we’ve envisioned?
I have prayed and advocated for Myles consistently for years. But until very recently, I hadn’t always considered God’s responses to represent the advancement of His plan for Myles. From my vantage point, my prayers and advocacy for my son were focused on finding solutions and getting help for specific problems. They were more issues-focused, instead of being God’s-plan-focused. I wasn’t always connecting the dots between God’s answers to my prayers and the outworking of His plan for Myles’ life.
IDENTITY THEFT
I’ve commonly thought about God’s purpose for Myles in the most general of terms: that people would be positively impacted by his life. While it is true that God’s general plan is for Myles’ life to positively impact others—that’s His most general plan for all of us—it is also true that God has a specific purpose for Myles that is distinct and significant. It is tailored precisely for who He created Myles to be: for who he is today and who he is becoming.
According to Ephesians 2:10, every follower of Christ is God's “workmanship,” created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. That means that, from God’s perspective, Myles has been uniquely designed as a new creation in Christ with certain abilities, capabilities and capacity* (see Lexical ktizō, Key Word Study Bible (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 1996), NT Lexical Aids, #3231, 1643.) to bless others in ways that God has preplanned.
I recognize that when most people look at my son, one of the first things they notice about him is his special needs status. I would guess that, for many people, the label of special needs immediately becomes the identity they assign to Myles. But “person with special needs or disabilities” is not his identity. It may be a status or description, but it’s not his identity.
As parents of children with special needs or disabilities, we need to be careful to not allow our children’s true identities to be hijacked—stolen—by a diagnosis. To do so robs them of the significance their lives hold as God’s image bearers. We, as their parents, can help to prevent this sort of identity theft if we don’t fall prey to the world’s definitions and perspectives—if we remember and rehearse what God says about our kids. Who He says they are. We need to rehearse it in our own minds and hearts and to our kids’ minds and hearts. They need to hear from us the Truth about their identity in Christ so their perspective about themselves is accurate.
Image from @benjaminmanley on Unsplash
GOD’S SPECIFIC PLAN
Now, as I consider God’s specific plan for Myles, I believe there are specific gifts He’s given Myles to use, growth and development God intends for Myles to achieve, and goals He wants Myles to accomplish. I believe there are relationships God wants Myles to have and lives He has marked for Myles to touch. And the Lord is moving on Myles’ behalf to make these things happen. Like He does for the rest of us.
Gaining greater awareness of the possibilities that God’s plan creates for Myles has changed the way my husband and I are praying for him. Why settle for our plans when we can align ourselves with God’s, which are better and bigger than ours? His plans represent the reason Myles was born. So we’re asking the Lord what we should be praying for regarding Myles—for now and for his future. We’re praying with the realization and expectation that God’s plan alone will enable Myles to become and to do all God has created him for, and that it provides every resource and opportunity Myles needs. We’re also asking the Lord to remove any limitations in our thinking and believing.
DO YOU BELIEVE GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOUR CHILD?
I encourage every other parent of a child with special needs to ask themselves the same questions God posed to me: How much do you believe God has a plan for your child? What would your actions tell you? And, if you discover you’re not as convinced as you say you are that God has a specific plan for your child with special needs, why is that?
I wonder, do we think on some level, that, because our kids have special needs, they’re not as important to God’s overall plan to advance His kingdom? Or have we just allowed the difficulty of our journey to cloud our perspective about what God can and wants to do in and through our children’s lives? Do we expect less from God for our kids because they have special needs? Or have we placed less value on the impact God is having through our children because we’re judging from the world’s perspective instead of God’s?
I know these are hard questions to consider, but they can open up a much-needed dialogue with the Lord to hear His heart on the matter. It would help to hear directly from Him that His plans for our kids are important to Him. He has uniquely fashioned each of our children to accomplish His purposes, to live out His plans for them. And when they do so, God is glorified, and they experience fulfillment that can only come from doing what they were created to do.
Sandy Ramsey-Trayvick and her husband of 33 years live in NJ and have 3 young adult children. She became a special needs mom, caregiver and advocate 24 years ago, after a childhood illness left her son multiply disabled. Sandy works now as a Certified Professional Coach with a desire is to help other special needs parents discover the powerful story that God wants to write through their family’s unique special needs journey. Sandy is also a writer and speaker, a community group leader for other special needs moms, and a frequent podcast guest. She has just released her first book, When Dreams Are Disrupted – A Story of God’s Faithfulness. You can learn more about Sandy, her work and her blog on her website: www.UNDisabledLIVES.org and on IG (@undisabled_lives).
