How can I be grateful for disability?
The question seems ludicrous, even unfeeling when I consider what my father, son, and now my mother experienced due to disability.
So how is it, the day after Christmas, that I am grateful for the disabilities that continue to bring sorrow, pain, and loss to our family?
Upon reflection, I see the answer in the smiles of my father, my son, and now my mother.
Image from Disability is Beautiful
Let me explain.
My father was bedridden for almost three decades. My mom was his primary caregiver—with my sister, brother, and me playing supporting roles. He was entirely dependent on us. We fed and washed him, dealt with his bodily needs, and kept him company. When we entered Dad's bedroom, he lit up. Not because of what he wanted us to do for him—but because we were with him.
Our infant son was similarly dependent upon my husband and me. Our baby's first year was a revolving door of painful surgeries, invasive tests, and illness. Nevertheless, he smiled at us early. When we would enter his room in the middle of the night to change his diaper, he would greet us with a smile. When we talked and cuddled with him during his tube feedings, he would smile. When he was in the hospital, and we sat beside his crib, he smiled. Not because we could take away his pain—but because we were with him.
My mother has grown more dependent on her children this year as her mental and physical abilities continue to decline. She is usually asleep when I enter her room in the long-term care facility in which she resides. When I approach her recliner, she rouses. She eats the ice cream bar I bring, smirks when she wins at Uno, and asks about the weather half a dozen times an hour. When I say goodbye, she thanks me for coming and smiles. Not because I changed her situation or prognosis—but because I was with her.
Those smiles, birthed of dependency and gratitude in the presence of we who love them, make me think of Jesus.
The infant Jesus in the arms of his mother.
Under the watchful care of his father.
The God of the universe was wholly dependent on the parents who loved him.
Who cared for him as he experienced the disability and dependency of humanness.
Who received God's first smile because they were with Jesus.
By the mystery of Christ coming to earth, I am humbled. If he came to earth as a helpless babe, how can I deny my own helplessness?
If he came to earth as Emmanuel, God with us, I may smile because he is with me.
So how can I be grateful for disability?
The question no longer seems ludicrous and unfeeling when I consider the difficulty and sorrows my loved ones experienced. Now I see how God used disability to bring me and those I love to the manger. Into God's presence, who knows everything about disability and dependency. The One whose name is Emmanuel, God with us. One who comes to us when we need his presence most and makes us smile.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.
