Many days, life has a rhythm that I find comfortable. I manage my family, work, and church responsibilities with finesse. The routines of daily life feel calm. I handle hard situations with grace and resolution while seeking God for guidance.
There are some days when the weight of life’s responsibilities feels crushing. I struggle with my attitude while cleaning up a diaper mess in the bed of my teenage daughter with special and medical needs. My busy calendar may reflect times I need to find care for my daughter. I lament the fact that I still need to find someone to watch her. Everything feels overwhelming, and little things become giants. Stress manifests physically in my body, demanding that I pay attention to myself. There are times when my brokenness makes me wonder if I can continue being a caregiver for the rest of my life.
By now, I usually do not spend too many days in that funk. I have learned to be aware of my thoughts and catch wrong attitudes before I head down a slippery slope. Still, some things creep through without me realizing it.
Photo credit: DisabilityisBeautiful.com.
On a typical Sunday a few weeks ago, I sat in my church listening to my pastor. During his message, he mentioned how all of our beliefs need to be rooted in the Bible.
A thought quickly passed that I had a pretty good belief system built on that principle. Then, God brought something to mind that showed me that I have things that were rooted in something else.
My life as a mother of a child with special and medical needs is unique. The majority of mothers won’t understand my daily struggles, accommodations for my child, or worries for the future. To manage these stressors, I have had counseling from time to time.
A counselor once told me that parents are designed to raise their children for a certain number of years. Children will eventually assert their independence, and a natural, healthy separation happens in their relationship. She assured me that some level of stress I had was understandable and expected because I was over a dozen years into intense parenting that was out of the ordinary. People like me were not designed to carry this load for this long, and it would be unrealistic to think I could achieve zero stress.
This was revelation for me. I, as a parent, was not designed to care for a child this long and in this manner. It was a way to understand my situation and stress, even justify it. This made sense, and it seemed true when I considered how other families live.
There was one problem with it. This belief was not rooted in the word of God. The Bible does not say that I can only be at peace if I have the typical parenting experience. The Bible does not say that I am only capable of thriving as a mother if my child achieves independence. Instead, peace and a fulfilling life can only be found serving God and being led by the Spirit.
On Mother’s Day, I want to take time to reflect on beliefs I have as a mother. My internal beliefs have long reaching effects. These beliefs impact my emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and hope for the future.
With God, I can have a hope for my future in mothering. Well-meaning people may offer me advice with the world’s wisdom. But if that wisdom is not in line with the Bible, then it may not bring a full life to me after all. I pray that God can show me more ways to think like Him.
Evana is a wife and mother of two children. She enjoys serving in her church’s special-needs ministry. Evana is also a pediatric speech-language pathologist and serves children with autism, feeding disorders, and other developmental delays. You can connect with Evana on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, A Special Purposed Life. You can also read more about her family’s story in her book, Badges of Motherhood: One Mother’s Story about Family, Down syndrome, Hospitals, and Faith.
