We often think school is all about our kids, and a lot of it is, but a lot also rests on us as parents. As parents of a child with special needs, our attitude and how we approach teachers and situations are invaluable. We are many years post-school at this point, but along the way, we established a tried and true list of helpful habits that may serve as a starting point for your family:
Photo by Ben Mullins on Unsplash
Don’t deny that your child has special needs.
Make your child your priority and advocate for them.
Your school system should give you the information on laws every time you have an IEP conference for your child. Be sure to read and understand the information before confronting people about things you want for your child.
When expressing what your child needs—be firm, helpful, kind, and polite.
Be realistic about the needs and abilities of your child.
Don’t always expect to get your way. Be flexible. Be teachable.
When a problem arises, talk to the teacher first. If you get no results, consult the head of the building or district special education department or principal; if you still get no results, speak to the superintendent. Don’t start at the top. You’ll burn bridges that way, and they won’t like seeing you coming if every situation is taken to the top first.
Ask how you can help and be part of the process and solution. Demanding rather than helping are two different approaches. One works.
Offer to help in the classrooms. (My husband and I volunteered to help in art and introduction to computer skills class, sat in on speech therapies, and so forth. Helping proved to be a great learning tool for us! We also valued seeing what our child was learning and who was in his school life.)
When you don’t know what to do, ask for help. Talk to counselors, other teachers, and parents who can help you sort things out and set you in the right direction.
Get involved in your child’s IEP, special education meetings, committees, and seminars. Far too many parents don’t do a thing and then complain.
Encourage, thank, and appreciate all the people who work with your child (teachers, aides, bus drivers, therapists, and administrators who educate and care for your child). Send notes to express those feelings. An occasional small, inexpensive gift (ex: stickers to use in class) that conveys your feelings is a great way to establish yourself as a caring and kind parent. When you need to meet and discuss something difficult, they will know you are approachable and logical and will listen to all the facts because they have seen you do so previously.
Can we do all these things all at once?
Probably not, but we can practice them all along the way, a little at a time.
Can we all go to school and be a weekly part of helping in the classroom?
Perhaps not because of our work schedules, but we can make time to be present. It’s all a matter of making it a priority.
Ask yourself a few questions:
Where can I start to make a difference?
Who can I contact to help me along the way?
What are a few goals to get me started?
Ready? Set. SCHOOL!
(Have a great year!)
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family, and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/
