Editors note: this is part four of a five-part series on Empowering Kids with disabilities. Part five will publish in June 2023.
Empowering kids with disabilities, as the previous posts in this series have suggested, can be a challenge for caregivers. We have to make a paradigm shift from meeting all of our kids' basic needs to equipping them to meet their own basic needs to the best of their ability.
This post explores freedom, the fourth of the basic needs identified by psychologist William Glasser in his Choice Theory.
Before delving into Glasser's definition of freedom, you may want to check out the previous posts in the series. Part 1: Survival, Part 2: Love and Belonging, and Part 3: Power and Self-Worth.
This post will make more sense once you've read them, so go ahead. Take your time. I'll be here when you're ready to go on.
You're back. Great!
Let's start with William Glasser's definition of freedom. Bruce Davenport created a video series about Glasser, the choice theory he proposed, and the five basic human needs he identified. Davenport says that freedom can be defined as "the need for independence, autonomy, to have choices and to be able to take control of the direction of one's life."
Photo by Mieke Campbell on Unsplash
If you're a parent or work with kids in any capacity, you have witnessed children expressing their need for freedom.
For instance...
We've heard two-year-olds stamp their feet and say, "I do it myself."
We've heard tweens say, "Let me figure it out by myself."
We've heard teenagers say, "Leave me alone. I can make my own decisions!"
I could go on, but you get the drift.
The truth is that typical kids and those with disabilities thrive when their lives provide them with opportunities to be independent, develop autonomy, make their own choices, and control the direction of their lives. The challenge, for us as adults in charge of their care, is to equip them to meet their need for freedom by themselves whenever possible.
This is as tricky for us as caregivers as it is for our kids. How do we go about empowering kids with disabilities to be independent and keep them safe? The key is to find ways to increase their freedom within their present level of functioning. The suggestions below provide a picture of what that could look like.
Allow kids to do what they can on their own. Let them feed themselves even if the kitchen looks like there's been a food fight by the end of the meal. Let them dress themselves even though their shirt is buttoned wrong and their shoes are on the wrong feet. Let them maneuver their own mobility devices, even if they're slow, and speak for themselves even if they're hard to understand. When we allow kids independence, they can meet their need for freedom.
Encourage independence and foster excellence by changing the environment. Examine the environment for obstacles and make adjustments so your child with disabilities can do more on his or her own. For example, provide velcro or slip-on shoes for kids who haven't (and may never) learned to tie their shoes. Set the table with soup spoons to make scooping food easier. Purchase pullover shirts instead of ones with buttons, and elastic waist pants instead of ones with zippers and buttons. Build a ramp to make getting in and out of the house easier.
Advocate for services, equipment, and educational opportunities to increase your child's sense of control. What you advocate for will, of course, depend on your child's strengths and weaknesses. A deaf child will gain control by learning sign language and lip reading while a visually impaired child's control will increase by learning braille, using a cane, and being paired with a seeing-eye dog. A communication device will grow a non-verbal child's independence. A job training program will do the same for a young adult with developmental delays.
Offer your child appropriate choices whenever possible. You may remember this strategy which I mentioned in the previous post about the need for power and self-worth. Offering kids appropriate choices is a simple way to give them a sense of control and freedom. It can be applied in all sorts of ways. Ask them to choose where to sit at church, what to fix for supper, what color to paint their bathroom, what they want to wear, what game to play, and what movie to watch. The opportunities are endless.
These four suggestions meet your child's basic human need for freedom by allowing them to build and flex their independence muscles.
As time goes on and those muscles and their abilities and skills grow, they'll be ready for a little more freedom.
It's a lifelong process for them, just as it is for us as their caregivers, and it has a biblical foundation.
After all the freedom we experience when we accept Jesus as Lord as Savior is the beginning of an eternal journey of faith. The more we come to know him and experience life with him, the more freedom we experience. Christ calls us to introduce children with disabilities to him also so they can experience the eternal spiritual freedom found only in the Creator who formed their inward parts and loves them dearly.
Can you imagine anything more empowering?
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.
