Enjoying the holidays with a food allergy sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it? After all, eating together is an integral component of the holiday season. I looked forward to making our traditional holiday foods until I was diagnosed with a dairy allergy in 2012. What was to enjoy about the holidays when the foods associated with it were off limits to me? I experienced a sense of separation from my family members as they enjoyed foods that were now off limits to me.
That holiday season was not enjoyable. At all.
My New Year’s resolution was to learn to make dairy-free versions of my holiday favorites so I could once again enjoy holiday baking and eating. In subsequent years, my commitment to the cause ramped up when we embarked on a multigenerational living adventure with our daughter’s family. She also has a dairy allergy, our son-in-law is lactose intolerant, and their two of my grandchildren were dairy, gluten, and soy intolerant when they were young. Until they outgrew their food allergies, we were one of “those families” that made holiday events difficult for us and our hosts.
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Slowly my daughter and I developed several strategies to make attending and eating at holiday gatherings not only doable, but also enjoyable. Here are some of our favorites.
Gather recipes. Compile allergy-free recipes all year long so you’ll have plenty of options to consider when the holidays roll around. A kid favorite at our house is Rice Krispie treats. They’re naturally gluten-free. To make them dairy-free we use a butter substitute instead of butter. Many of my dairy-free recipes (which taste as good as their traditional counterparts) are housed at my website www.jolenephilo.com. Type “dairy-free” or “gluten-free” in the space bar to find our family favorites. Or do an internet search with those terms to get ideas from all over the world.
Preview the menu. Ask the host of the holiday party about the foods to be served. Think of this strategy as food recognizance mission.
Be reasonable. The menu will probably contain many food items that are off limits to you and yours. How frustrating. Your first inclination may be to demand that the hosts provide an allergy-free menu. A better idea is to decide which menu items make a holiday event feel like a celebration for your family. Then select recipes from those you’ve compiled and move on to the next strategy.
Show compassion and grace. Be kind when hosts, who may not even be aware of common food allergens or allergy-free substitutes, are reluctant to change their menu or provide alternatives. Express gratitude for being invited. Then explain how much you want to come to the holiday function and how hard it is for your children to watch other kids eat goodies that are off limits to them. The hosts may surprise you by asking what allergy-free options they can easily provide. Whether they do so or not, offer more grace by implementing the next strategy on this list.
Volunteer to bring your family favorites. Continue to show grace to hosts who don’t provide allergy-free options by bringing holiday favorites your family can eat. Make enough for others to sample and have recipes handy in case they ask for it.
Join forces with friends or families who are attending the holiday event and deal with food allergies. Decide what foods to bring that both your families can eat. This strategy automatically doubles the choices available without requiring more work. That’s a win in my book!
Go halfsies. My brother and his wife always host Thanksgiving for our extended family. He provides the turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and gravy. The guests bring everything else. I provide pies, because they make any holiday a celebration for my family. Also, I love to bake pies. Mashed potatoes and gravy is a close second. My brother cooks the potatoes and puts a third of them in a separate bowl. Then he prepares the dairy version and prepare the non-dairy version using butter and milk substitutes that I provide. My brother and I refer to this holiday tradition as going halfsies. Maybe you can identify and go halfsies with some of your favorite foods too.
Establish holiday-free food traditions. In other words, make and serve certain foods only during the holidays. Your kids won’t see them as an allergy-free alternative, but as special treats they’re eager to indulge in.
Educate when you can. Remember that people don’t know what they don’t know. Unless they have a food allergy, they don’t know how to avoid them or what allergy-free foods are on the market. It’s up to us to educate them. So be alert for opportunities when you can share allergy-free recipes, demonstrate easy ways to substitute ingredients, and explain how much it means when holiday celebration include a wide variety of foods for everyone, especially children, to enjoy.
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dig!, the fourth book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, will be released in October of 2024.
