Watching the news and seeing trials and challenges on many levels we’ve come to understand that until “it” happens to us, it’s often not important. People in leadership (politicians, leaders making rules, business owners running businesses, and parents raising children) will all make decisions that affect others but until it affects them….it won’t always be seen as important or necessary to consider other options of how to engage, care, or help.
So, what is “it”?
Do we understand the pain of losing a child at birth? Loss of a spouse?
Do we understand being overlooked in a job promotion or losing a job?
Do we know the sadness of the loss of a friend? The heartache of a prodigal child?
Do we understand the devastation of war? Hardships? Starvation? Rape? Sex Trade? Having an abortion? Having a child with special needs?
Often not until it happens to us is when “it” hits us-whatever “it” is – that we start to pay attention, start caring and maybe even start learning and understanding. That can be very good, eye opening, and life changing. We’ve watched it happen in our own life – and there are many things we’re seeing where we can help even though it’s not been our experience. (Foster care, for starters.) There are many difficult and challenging things we’ve not experienced, and we are very thankful. But we’ve experienced having a child with special needs, and that’s from where we’ve learned; learned to care in the special needs’ world (and even farther beyond). It has opened our eyes to caring more for others in whatever their challenge or circumstance. Unless we’ve experienced our own “challenge(s)” we are likely to not care for others in their challenge and reach out in conversation or helping or caring.
Until……
Someone in our life showed little care or concern about our own situation (child with special needs) for many years, nor lent help or even conversation to the “special needs” life we were living but eventually found themselves with a special needs’ situation. Suddenly, we had “conversation” about “their” situation. How easy it would have been for us to be upset (well, maybe we were a little) and withdraw from caring, having conversation, or helping. But we didn’t. We’ve made sure to take the high road and do what we wished they had done and what we wished others might have done along the way of our 40+ year journey.
Image from @esdesignisms on Unsplash
What to do even when we don’t want to:
Engage with others who are struggling – perhaps even before they ask.
Ask questions that show we care; not that we’re being nosy.
Welcome conversation, tears, words, worry, and let them tell their story.
Let them have their “moment” – keeping from making ours more important. Let them talk. Listen.
Offer help. We often see ways to help that others might miss-so offer.
Don’t be afraid to step out of our comfort zone to meet needs that others have. There are hurting people everywhere.
Find practical ways to help (meals, driving to Dr. appointments, etc.)
Look for thoughtful ways to care (sending notes, dropping off a special coffee, putting a sweet surprise at their door.)
Always be kind.
You can add a few of your own, but let’s always remember that we can’t meet every need, yet we are called to do what we can!
Proverbs 3:27-28 “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,’ When you have it with you.”
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com
and via social media at:
www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini
