By the numbers, I shouldn’t be here. I had a traumatic birth with low birth weight. I have a defect on the left side of my brain with contusions on my left hemisphere. My EEG is like someone who has seizures. As an infant, I only slept every two hours during a twelve-hour period. My parents were advised to institutionalize me because, “I would never be educated.” I was diagnosed with hyperactivity (ADHD) as a child. I have serious learning disabilities, for which I was held back two years. I was bullied by everyone: parents, teachers, and students. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Asperger’s. I have had seven inpatient hospitalizations for bipolar and PTSD. How did I earn a high school diploma, a BA from University of Maryland Baltimore County, and an MFA from Maryland Institute College of Art? And why am I still here? The secret is GOD! GOD did this with His wonderfully made creation. Most importantly, I’m a child of God, and I will serve Him until He calls me home!
Everything seems to be stacked against me by worldly standards. But God cultivates my mess into His message. The same God that creates the salmon, that swims upstream to breed, has created me wonderfully to go against worldly standards. Bipolar and Asperger’s is a blessing from Him. Both of these debilitating conditions are weaved in with my talents by God for His glory, like the blind man in John 9:1-3. For instance, my bipolar sleep patterns are very flexible, which limits the effects of jet lag during mission trips. I hit the ground ready to serve. Asperger’s has given me amazing attention to detail, which helps me focus in on the people I serve. These conditions are a daily struggle, but they have hidden blessings.
But how do bullying, struggles with education, and hospitalizations work for His plan? Ukrainian parents of children with autism connect with the story God wrote me. They can relate with the isolation and frustration I have walked through. Ukraine’s view of disabilities is a lot like America in the 70s to 80s. Many families become prisoners in their small apartments because of rejection by family, friends, and outsiders. My family and I felt a similar rejection.
How do psychiatric hospitalizations prepare me for the mission field? Most psych wards are very institutional settings with sparse amenities, just a simple bed, desk and table. The rooms at the orphanages in Ukraine are set up similarly. During my first trip to Ukraine, I saw how God used that time on the ward to prepare me and reassure me for the task at hand. God can use what I see as a mess and forge it into His message for His Kingdom.
By the numbers I shouldn’t be here, yet I am be called by God to serve His Kingdom. God’s grace through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection is for all. Christians, even those afflicted with serious conditions, have the opportunity to be a part of the Great Commission. The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few (Matthew 9:35-38). Jesus wants to use your mess to bring His gospel message to all. The mission field surrounds us, and we need to obey His commandment of loving one another by serving those around us, especially those in our church family that suffer in silence because of stigma. God’s plan is for all!
Linda’s final blog post in this series will be featured in November. To view her work, visit her photography website, wholelotofbunk.org, read her photography bio, and visit her ministry website, abnormalmissionary.org.
