During COVID and lockdown many of us have really missed the experience of touch. We understand that we need to keep ourselves and others safe and healthy but it has been hard.
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia before COVID. His symptoms worsened really quickly through lockdown. He also started hallucinating and was delusional. He was taken to hospital where he was treated with antipsychotic drugs. Once he was stabilized, he was transferred to a nursing home where he is now being looked after with great care and kindness.
In the first few months I was only allowed to see him through a window. It was so hard emotionally, but also relationally. I could not touch him. Touch is so important in our relationship. Thankfully I can now spend time with him in person. We can hold hands, hug and sit close to each other. He knows me. There is a connection. He may not know my name but he knows he loves me and that I love him. He loves being touched. I massage his feet and hands, legs and arms, neck and scalp. It is what I used to do in the past after he had a busy or stressful day at work. We can connect without having a conversation. Yes I miss being able to talk to him about things on my mind but there is still a connection, a loving connection through touch.
It made me think about the importance of touch for most people.
“Infants who are touched gently on a regular basis gain weight and grow at better rates than babies who lack this contact. They also spend less time in the hospital after birth and have fewer medical complications in their first year of life.”
The Effect of Human Contact on Newborn Babies.
Children need to be touched. My 7 year old granddaughter found it difficult when told to only hug her parents and sister during lockdown. She was thrilled when she could come to me and have a cuddle. So was I.
COVID has made us careful about close contact, but even before COVID, we wanted to keep our children safe, not from illness but from sexual abuse. Yes, I understand this, but maybe sometimes we are too fearful of touching. We also fear allegations if we get too close to children or vulnerable adults. Yet there is an important place for touch. This is possible if we put appropriate safeguards in place.
Last week I went to church and a friend hugged me so closely and lovingly. It made such a difference to how I was feeling.
Jesus, when He healed people, He usually touched them. There is something powerful about the laying on of hands whilst praying.
We of course need to be respectful and check whether people want to be touched. Some people do not like it. My sister hates to have her hair touched and she cannot understand my love of spa days. Some people with autism are particularly sensitive to touch and can even find gentle touch painful.
Many schools have a no touch policy. This may prevent those with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) getting the most appropriate help. We start to rely on verbal or written communication, and often technology. For some children verbal instruction can sound like “blah blah blah.” It makes little sense. It also creates a barrier to getting work. Systematic instruction is a method of teaching skills through hand-over- hand guidance, which uses little or no verbal communication. It can be used in any situation, but has been developed to enable people with limited cognitive skills who want to work to be in employment. Through structured guided repeated tasks, using hand-over-hand and appropriate touch, many have learned to do quite complex tasks including making bike brakes involving 24 steps.
In 1973, Dr. Marc Gold wrote, "For a century now, those of us working with the retarded have described their limitations. We worked with the retarded, operating with these expectancies and ‘proved' we were right. Sure enough, they did only as much as we said they would. We taught our successors these limiting expectancies, and they in turn proved that we were right. Since us normal folks can do things the retarded cannot do we have assumed that those things must require intelligence, therefore the retarded cannot be expected to do them. And the cycle goes on."
Systematic instruction was introduced in the UK in the 1980’s, much of which was based on Gold’s work. Mark Kilsby, Ph.D., who has been training people involved in supported employment since 1991, states, “This course has a reputation changing the way people perceive those who are most at risk of being devalued within our society by giving them the skills and competencies needed to take on valued roles in truly meaningful ways.”
We often rely too heavily on verbal communication. We either explain what to do, or we ask questions of the learner to see if they understand. This may be helpful in some situations, but in others, especially practical activities, it can be a deterrent to learning. I compare it to driving a car. If someone asked me to explain how to drive a car, I would have to think carefully in order to be precise about when I put my foot on the clutch, or when I change gear. My hands and feet know exactly what to do, however. We refer to muscle memory in which repetitive actions can be remembered. We can often do practical activities without seeming to think about them. For the person with a learning disability, repetition can be very helpful. Ensure you always guide them to do the task in exactly the same way and in the same order, thus creating muscle memory. A word of warning: we can learn to do things the wrong way using muscle memory. When learning to play the piano, my fingers always seemed to play a wrong note at the same place in a piece of music. I had repeated the wrong note often enough for my fingers to have learned it.
My husband appreciates touch. Staff also lead him by the hand, guide him to do simple tasks and comfort him with touch when he is confused or agitated. When he forgets what he is doing he can be reminded by a simple guiding touch. Touch is important. Let us not exclude it permanently, in our post-COVID life.
Sue Sutton has nearly 50 years of experience working with people with learning disabilities. She has developed training programs for people working with a variety of learning disabilities and mental health issues. Sue is the author of “Living Fulfilled Lives: Empowering People With Learning Disabilities.” Connect with her on Facebook.
