We all pray prayers that aren’t answered the way we hoped. As a special-needs sister and mom, as a pastor’s wife who often hears heavy stories from the lives of people I care about, as someone who does online ministry and talks to moms who want to see God move in specific ways—it feels like it happens daily.
In the last decade, since my son’s autism diagnosis, my prayer life has changed. After so many nights of asking for sleep and not getting it, after praying for help and not getting it, I find myself only asking for safe requests. Now I say, “Your will …,” “Your plan …, “Your purpose ….” I don’t want to demand what He isn’t willing to give. I don’t want to be disappointed.
My prayers have gotten so safe, I wonder if they are even worth praying. Then God led me to a passage that reminds me He cares what’s truly on my heart and mind.
And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart. Get up; he is calling you.” And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.” And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way. (Mark. 10:46-52)
Do you notice Bartimaeus’ safe prayers? “Have mercy on me!” he cried out twice. Because we are His children, God lavishes mercy on us. It’s already done and continues to happen each day. It’s like my prayers for “His will.” That will happen whether I pray for it or not.
Then Jesus called him closer and asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” This is what I feel Jesus asking me as well. What is it that you really want?
I don’t want to stop praying because my requests aren’t answered in the time and way I want them to be. I don’t want to stop asking for things only God can do. I don’t want to play it safe every time I talk to my heavenly Father.
The Jesus who asked Bartimaeus to come closer, the Jesus who asked him what he really wanted, is the Jesus who now sits at the right hand of God interceding on my behalf.
In Bartimaeus’ life, it was his blindness that kept him from following Jesus. So Jesus made a way, as we see in verse 52, “And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.” I don’t want my disappointment in unanswered prayers to keep me from following Jesus, to keep me from having a relationship with Him that grows stronger each day. So Jesus will do for me what He did for Bartimeaus—He will make a way.
It starts with this passages in Mark, with the Holy Spirit guiding me here to stop and praise God for the specific love He has for me. And it will continue each day as I pray for mercy, for grace, for His will, but also specifically for money to cover James’s therapy costs, for opportunities to serve and encourage more special-needs families this year, for sleep, and for help.
How is your prayer life, friend? Have you grown safe (or distant, or quiet, or angry)? Follow Bartimaeus’ example with me. Move closer to Jesus and tell Him what you truly want. Be restored in your relationship with Him.
Sandra Peoples is a special-needs mom and sibling. She and her family live outside of Houston, TX where she serves her church as director of the special-needs ministry. She’s the author of Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family and the host of the podcast, Self Care and Soul Care for the Caregiver. You can connect with her at sandrapeoples.com.
