Building is a slow process.
God has been hammering that truth home since we signed the loan papers for a construction project which will turn our one family dwelling into a duplex.
"When will the addition be completed?" the loan officer asked as we signed the papers in April of 2020. At the drive up window. Because of the pandemic shutdown.
"We're hoping for September." My husband spoke into the microphone, and I nodded in agreement.
Silly us.
When the projected completion date arrived, the only work that had been done were the footings and the foundation walls. Despite having gutted and remodeled the kitchen, dining room, and living room of our previous home, my husband and I had forgotten that building is a slow process. So far during this remodel and addition, illness—the excavator's emergency appendectomy and the truss builder's bout with COVID— have contributed to the delays, as did a widespread, destructive windstorm that shut down parts of our state for weeks and drove up lumber prices.
Sigh.
Photo credit: Greyson Joralemon on Unsplash.com.
To us, this project feels like it's going nowhere. My husband and I suspect it may not be done before winter, and we're requesting a building permit extension. We think it will be granted because the city inspectors know that building is a slow process. I was just coming to grips with our adjusted timeline when our church began a new sermon series it began as it reopened its doors after the pandemic shutdown.
The series is called Edify. As in building one another up.
Right out of the gate, our pastor compared edification to building a house piece-by-piece. While we use lumber and nails and bricks when building a house, we build one another up word-by-word, and affirmation- by-affirmation. Edifying others is a long and slow process in the best of situations. For families affected by disability, for caregiving parents who don't get enough sleep, our will to build other loved ones up often yields to bitterness, criticizing and tearing them down.
We are not the first to fall prey to this temptation.
In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says this to first century believers: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (emphasis mine).
Paul's advice to build others up according to the needs of the moment offers caregivers freedom. He gives us permission to focus on and address our present circumstances. This means we are free to evaluate what our loved ones need right now and provide the grace they need right now. We can build up our children with disabilities, our sleep-deprived spouses, our elderly parents, and our exhausted selves in the moment, instead of constantly worrying about meeting needs that are yet to come. We can know that right now, in the messy and painstakingly slow present, our words and affirmations are the building blocks of grace that will carry our families into the future we can't see.
The thing is, we can't speed up the process of edification any more than my husband and I can speed up our house project. The best we can do is acknowledge two realities.
First, building is a slow process. Whether we're building houses or hearts, it takes a long time. Therefore, we need to adjust our expectations and learn patience.
Second, the process feels endless, but it's not. One day our house will be finished, and our family will be grateful for the challenges that ushered in a new and better living arrangement. One day too, this world will end. There will be no more death or crying or pain. There will be no more slow building up of others when we are exhausted and drained. No more battle to overcome the bitter, critical spirit that lurks inside us.
Instead, we will see all things, even our hearts, made new.
We will stand in our new, eternal home speechless and grateful. Grateful for the building blocks of grace spoken to us and through us. The grace that strengthened us and our families from beginning to end. The grace that built the house of God within us as we poured the words of encouragement spoken to us into the lives of those in our care. The grace of the long, slow building of our hearts that prepared us to see Jesus face to face and dwell in his presence forever.
Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.
